The Mistress of the Dark Park Place Log

as executor of the estate of your great aunt miss morgana talbot, i'm sorry to inform you of her untimely passing.
    whoa - i didn't even know i had a *good* aunt, much less a *great* one.

do you know you were doing fifty in a twenty-five-miles-per-hour zone?
    ummm, no, but if you hum a few bars i'll fake it.  (pause)  i gotta get a new joke.  this one's costin' me a fortune.

bloody mary.
    no hard liquor served past eight o'clock.  do you want a virgin?
maybe, but, uh, i'll have a couple of drinks first.

my name's elvira, but you can call me... tonight.

i tell you: i nearly *died*.  there she was, paradin' around in clothes that couldn't keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle.  i mean, it was next to nothin'.
    i'd say it was next to *plenty*.

please, i don't think we need to resort to name calling.  i think what calvin is trying to say is that this elvira is a person of... easy virtue, a purveyor of pulchritude, a one-woman sodom and gomorrah, if you will.  a slimy, slithering succubus, a concubine, a street walker, a tramp, a slut, a cheap whore.

he'd kill us if we went to your show.
    not to mention our parents.
        he'd kill your parents too?!

revenge is better'n christmas.

do you always wear the same dress?
    no, sometimes i like to wear something low-cut and sexy...

Old Titleless Gunter Log X

everyone will have a job ... [but] we *will* be downsizing.
    — director's call
    (and people doubt that magic still exists...)

so how many years do we have 'til the term 'clockwise' becomes completely meaningless?

i fear the human race may ... with wise lies lure me.
    — louis macneice

if you find time to be alone you can find some time for me.
    — stiltskin

why should *you* be first?
    'cause i'm a *lady*.
you're not a lady - you're a *sister*.
    — the aristocats

breeding is no substitute for intelligence.
    — medicine man

FW: telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.  the act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
    // 07 addition:  nowadays it's small enough to fit in my pocket and too small to comfortably prop above my shoulder. yay technology.

man may be the sum of all he is exposed to, but can he truly determine to what extent he is affected?
    — me

The Social Glare Park Place Log

you can't pack bric-a-brac in the knickknack box.
    sorry, hon'.
well, we'll just have to cross our fingers and hope for the best.
    — kim possible: a sitch in time

posts regarding a rebus:  what is that thing top left? never seen one before.  //  it is a religious item.  //  really? then i haven't got a prayer.

i need someone to help me right now.  preferably someone who speaks english with an IQ above 60.
    — law & order: special victims unit (raw)

bansaw  n.  a wood-working device.  usage: this is easy to make on your own with a good bansaw.  (ten-to-one he looked at that - "that doesn't look right" - and moved on.)

look at you.  i had no idea you were such a fan of the mollusk.
    i never really gave them a chance before, but i'm acquiring a taste.  it's like eating a mermaid.
    — mad men (red in the face)

"to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses"
    i'm not sure how "man-made climate change" fits in there, but this is hardly the first square-peg-in-a-round-hole.

science may be the method by which we give name to God's miracles, but faith is the question that arises every time an old mystery is solved.  the elegant explanations discovered every day ... are the very reason to believe in something greater.
    — eureka (God is in the details)     ... = "in eureka"

Old Titleless Gunter Log IX

God.  He's cool like that.
    // 07 addition:  one of the few lines i remember that i said, though i've forgotten what it was in response to.

Q.  how many buglers does it take to reassemble an M-1?
A.  more than two...
    // 07 addition:  boy what a scam that was.  must've sucked for them that they so desperately needed a bugler that they agreed to let him skip out on nearly every other facet of honor guard.

(pout)  i lost GL '97 #3.
    // 07 addition:  looks like i've been using "(pout)" for a good while.  not sure if i should be *proud* of that fact, but, well, there it is.

i rescind my earlier statement; chatting is over-rated.  (not that you'll *never* see archangele at wbs, but it'll be rare.)
    // 07 addition:  i *think* i remember using "archangele", but *why* escapes me.

ax me no questions and i won't cut your head off.
    // 07 addition:  see? even way back then that annoyed me.

i'm firmly of the opinion that we should be exempt from all meetings where the number of acronyms being thrown around is more than the square of the number of stripes we've got on our arm.

mr c. jack gave *me* spaced out holographic stickers.  neener neener nee-ner!
    // 07 addition:  i'd like to buy a clue?

lieutenants are nothing more than airman who didn't *quite* fail out of college.
    — virginia pinner

Unlike lesser blogs...

Giant Curtains.  Barring vigilante action, this one simple addition would likely save more cumulative hours than all the ideas that no one else is promoting to improve our beleaguered transportation system.  For those who don't see where this is going, i'll explain - no, that would take too long; i'll sum up - but the beauty lies in its simplicity.  What happens is this: any time there's an accident, the police place a giant curtain up to shield it from prying eyes.  This would keep the rubber-necking jackasses - what? it's in the Bible - from delaying the dozens, if not hundreds, of cars behind them for no reason other than the fact that they don't want to be the only ones that don't know something.

Did you catch the carefully chosen wording?  They really couldn't care less unless someone they know might know.  One of the major problems with society is that people don't want others to have More than they do.  More information, more attention, more happiness.  It's a subtle distinction, but that doesn't mean it's any less pervasive.  Granted, as a general rule everyone wants more of everything, but there's no issue until they run across someone who has More or has the possibility of having More.  Their response could be as elaborate as trying to talk someone out of another job, as commonplace as stating opinion as fact (if not just fabricating things), or as simple as a comment that is designed to wound.  Is there a cure for this ailment?  Well, obviously it's not me remarking on it, but i don't know.  I wouldn't even know how to go about affecting a change though, as this seems not unlike trying to teach common sense, but here's hoping.

On a completely different note, if i say i don't know what food i ordered, i don't know what food i ordered.  And here's why i don't know what food i ordered: once i choose what i want, i impart that information to the person whose job it is to see that it is delivered unto me.  Did you notice what happened there?  I transferred the responsibility to someone else.  At this point, the person leaves, things happen, and without any further action on my part, my choice - in theory, at least - almost magically materializes in front of me.  In this way i am able to completely immerse myself in several conversations around me and get upset when someone says "that's Christianity..." as if the actions of one delineate the group.  As a bonus, not bothering to remember what i ordered gives my meal a hint of Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, what's with "xmas"?  Yes, it's a shorter word, but is that time people really needed to save?  How about they just not hit snooze tomorrow?  That should free up enough time for them to use the real word for, oh, the rest of their lives.  I can only assume people don't want to use the word because "Christ" is the root.  Well you know what?  They need to get over it.  It is what it is.  I don't have any problem using the phrase "happy birthday" even if i think someone shouldn't've been born.