The Dangerously Irresponsible Park Place Log

oop oop oop!  stupid idea alert!
    — kim possible (showdown at the crooked d)

i should trademark all the black words, 'cause either i'd get rich or they'd start talking normal just to spite me.

are you rather fond of *those* particular apples?!
    — ken and i

i was not speaking literally, my son.  (pause)  or was i?
    — kim possible (animal attraction)

this is what happens when a great deal of intelligence is invested in ignorance.
    — aeon flux (the purge)

only small-minded people take offense to everything.
    — party wire

how can it be offensive if it's true?
    — geico commercial

my ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete.
    — kim possible: the villain files

where am i going and why am i in this handbasket?

is there a patron saint for justification?  if not, there should be, and here's why...
    — ken shmalley

The Fairy Metal Park Place Log

we're still kids.  nobody knows what to do or how to do it.  it's all just lurching...
    — the people i know

lumens, by their very nature, cannot be directly measured.
(no, it's not you; this one passes beyond "esoteric" to "too tricky for my own good".)

are you always this forward?
    only with wet, married women.
    — fletch

if you haven't had too much alcohol to send an e-mail, you haven't had too much alcohol to check your spelling.  (pause)  i'm just saying.

i'm not like most people.
    i noticed.
oh, i mean: everyone works so hard to fit in and be like everyone else.  seems to me you're gonna work that hard it oughta be to *not* be like everyone else.
    — painkiller jane (toy soldiers)

sorry björk guðmundsdóttir from reykjavík, but you've been replaced by tarja soile susanna turunen cabuli from kitee in the "fun to say" category.

i don't scare easy - i'm too dumb.
    — fletch lives

the modern pentathlon consists of riding, shooting, fencing, swimming and running.  initially called "military pentathlon", the Union Internationale de Pentathlon Moderne described the event as follows: the choice of the five diverse and unrelated sports which make up the modern pentathlon arose out of the romantic, rough adventures of a liaison officer whose horse is brought down in enemy territory; having defended himself with his pistol and sword, he swims across a raging river and delivers the message on foot.

The Unicorn Defense Park Place Log

i must confess: i'm beyond my depth.  i'm the shadowy figure in the left background with the stupid expression on his face.
    — the man from planet x  (two quotes, but they fit so well)

now granted, i'm not exactly making things easy for myself by trying to learn sixteen songs at once that average two sharps/flats, but whoever said that playing the trumpet is like riding a bike was sorely mistaken.  (pause)  of course, i haven't ridden a bike in a while...

is this the new master we serve?  the whim of modernization?
    — gargoyle: wings of darkness

i love words like "nonplussed", which mean exactly what i think they shouldn't.

you know, for a mild man you sound vicious.
    didn't you know?  all mild men are vicious.  they hate themselves for being mild and they hate the windy extroverts whose violence seems to have a strange attraction for nice girls... who should know better.
    — a face in the crowd

what?!  i don't like little kids?  who said i don't like little kids?  why wouldn't i like little kids?  they're so... noisy.

criminals thrive on the indulgence of society's "understanding".
    — batman begins

joke grenade #416: needless to say...

you know, why is it just when i think i'm about to hear the recess bell life throws me one of those little pop quizzes?
    — where on earth is carmen sandiego? (split up)

The Necktie Social Park Place Log

then one day, a terrible thing happened: an angry rhinoceros appeared out of nowhere and gobbled up his poor mother and father.  their troubles - if they had any at all - were over in thirty-five seconds flat.
    — james and the giant peach

quaker instant oatmeal doesn't have nearly as much fiber as someone who knows little about fiber would expect, but they do happen to be responsible for one of the best jobs of technically not lying with statistics i've ever seen.  in any event, projecting my tastes upon the rest of the world, the flavors they need to keep around are - wait for it - banana bread, anything & cream, honey nut, cinnamon & spice, and cinnamon pecan.

this i take it was not purchased at tiffany's?
    no.  actually it was purchased concurrent with, uh... well, actually it came inside of... well, a box of crackerjack.
i see.  do they still really have prizes in crackerjack boxes?
    oh yes.
that's nice to know.  gives one a feeling of solidarity - almost of continuity - with the past, that sort of thing.
    — breakfast at tiffany's

you know those people who think that simply wearing the outfit makes them look good?  (pause)  that's all.  the rest pretty much writes itself.

that doesn't even make sense.  how can flimsy paper possibly beat the raw density of stone?
    — kim possible: a sitch in time

do you value your life?
    insofar as it lets me do things.

the good that you do makes a relationship stronger; the good that you don't, kills it.
    — yours truly  (looks like i'm not *completely* out of gems)