The Wrapping Extravaganza Park Place Log

i do not like her name.
    there was no thought of pleasing you when she was christened.
what stature is she of?
    just as high as my heart.
you're full of pretty answers.
    — as you like it

and my two cents here, but does anyone really care if someone posts 'first'.  i mean really, why would you flag that.  its no big deal to me.
    (smirk)  every time a First post disappears, an angel gets his wings.
ok, but that just plain silly.  i mean why would that upset anyone?
    idiocy should be punished.
really.  well i have seen a hell of a lot worse than posting 'first'.  wow have we really sunk that far.
    (shrug)  i have too, but i don't see why that's any reason to let the firsters slide.
    — i imagine you can guess which ones are mine.    (i ditched the capitals, but everything else is sic.)

identify yourself!
    you will identify first.
daleks do not take orders.
    you have identified as daleks.
outline resembles the inferior species known as cybermen.
    our species are similar, though your design is inelegant.
daleks have no concept of elegance.
    this is obvious; but consider: our technologies are compatible.  cybermen plus daleks.  together we could upgrade the universe.
you propose an alliance?
    this is correct.
request denied.
    hostile elements will be deleted.
    daleks be warned: you have declared war upon the cybermen.
this is not war.  this is pest control.
    we have five million cybermen.  how many are you?
    you would destroy the cybermen with four daleks?
we would destroy the cybermen with one dalek.  you are superior in only one respect.
    what is that?
you are better at dying.
        five million cybermen: easy.  one doctor?  now you're scared.
    — doctor who (doomsday)    NB: unlike other quotes, sentences have been eliminated

The Outer Limits Park Place Log VI

few of us have the opportunity to truly begin again: to redress the flaws that tarnish our souls.
    — the vessel

you came to destroy us?  to kill us all?
    not necessarily.  see, the fate of a world isn't determined by its best examples, but by its worst.  it only takes a few to destroy the many.  especially when even the best of you can be dragged down into the mire.
    — heart's desire

there is a difference between playing God and aspiring to fulfill the potential for greatness that God gave us.
    — final appeal

the search for truth is a uniquely human process: a quest guided by our perception on an event.  but what happens to the truth when what we see and what we *think* we see are two very different things?
    — bodies of evidence

in a society where devotion to one's family is frequency sacrificed on the altar of ambition, can the things we sacrifice ever be regained?
    — family values

for centuries, philosophers and theologians have debated what it means to be human.  perhaps the answer has eluded us because it is so simple: to be human is to choose.
    — feasibility study

the answers to mankind's future problems can be found within so long as there are those among us willing to make the sacrifice.
    — patient zero

we make tools to extend our abilities, to further our reach, and fulfill our aspirations, but we must never let them define us, for if there is no difference between tool and maker, then who will be left to build the world?
    — stream of consciousness

The Liquid Christmas Park Place Log

luckily for the pats, the steel city isn't hosting next week's game.
(the ravens would've owned tonight's if they hadn't been so error-happy.)

don't worry: christmas is coming.  maybe your wife will give you a dog collar.
    — party wire

regarding the kingmaker situation...  welcome to the metagame.

of course, once we enter the new year, the truce if over.  i'm going to open a bag of freak on all of you.
    — kim possible (very possible christmas)

diametrically opposite.  not to be confused with the opposite where you're not really opposite.

    it's not every day i get to sample american cuisine.
you're in luck.  i just took possession of an honor student from illinois on her vacation.  plucked from a cancoun beach.  blonde, big boned—
    carpet matches drapes.
hardwood floor.
    — blade: the series (death goes on)

i don't know what trait it is that i'm lacking, but i just cannot muster up the desire to argue on a forum.  i've gotten so far as hitting Reply and starting to pen a response, but i inevitably decide to call it a day and go somewhere else.

please patronize our advertizers.
    (shrug)  if you insist.  oh, your products are ~so~ good...

The Sumitos and Pacs Park Place Log

these days it seems like they're trying to protect us from everything.  ...  ya think we're missing the point?  let's just keep our eye on the big ball.  protect us from the things that matter: the things we can't see coming.
    — hyundai commercial

despite theater popcorn, alcohol and a projector, over half of our thanksgiving saturday guests were sleeping by 11:30.  that's just embarrassing.  for them.

you can hide from what you do or you can be proud of it, but you can't deny that it's a gauge of who you are.
    — painkiller jane (reflections)

after several straight days of Eating, yesterday's dinner was a biscuit, and even that was more ItTastesGood than iWasHungry.

ummm... i'm sorry, but the whole two-man sea cucumber thing is kind of creepy.
    first of all, it's a sandworm, ok - shai-hulud, to be specific - and second of all, dune fans have been goin' nuts over our costume since the eighth grade.
    — chuck (chuck versus the sandworm)

ahhhh, leftovers.  how i look forward to eating you.  for the rest of the week.

what are you, a jooboobap or something?
    a what?
jewish, buddhist, baptist.  y'know, people got all kinda crazy notions these days.
    — k-ville (critical mass)

the long weekend's final tally is nine bottles of wine, twenty-two bottles of beer, a large bottle of white russian and most of a large bottle of pennsylvania dutch egg nog.  no records were broken, but it's a decent showing considering we got a late start.

instant gratification has us in a stranglehold.  so much so that we don't want to fix things any more, just replace them.  ...  whatever happened to commitment?  to standing by our decisions?
    — hyundai commercial

Old Titleless Gunter Log XI

pick up the clue phone - it's for you...
    // 07 addition:  is it just me, or did we have better sayings back then?

...and if something's *really* cool, it ROCKS!

i'll tell you what though: she sure does keep her place *warm*.
    so what's that - about seventy?
    // 07 addition:  in this case, seventeen words equals a picture.

i think *everyone* should meet someone like me.  (pause)  now go away.

FW:  ecnelubma (ek na lub' ma) n.  a rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
    // 07 addition:  remember the days when the jokes outnumbered the spam?

some yahoo woke me up at 5am vacuuming for the inspection.

the children are our future.
(man, kinda sucks to be *us*...)

with our ability to wield language, we can both stab and caress at will, and for that reason we must constantly be aware by which nature we govern ourselves.
    — me

The Lame Title Park Place Log

we're here to talk about our feelings.
    how do you feel about me being kept here against my will?
i was speaking editorially.  actually, we're here to talk about *your* feelings.
    — bionic woman (second chances)

celica engine following a ten-minute jog: 100F (38C) at the hood intake.

our take on what surrounds us is only as real as our take on what is inside us.
    — painkiller jane (reflections)

die in a fire.  seriously?  people not only felt the need to turn that into an acronym, but run with it?

sometimes a whale is just a whale.
    nothing is ever just "something".
    — law & order: criminal intent (anti-thesis)

laptop just before it starts burning my legs off: hot spot of 127F (53C).

you're workin' with high confidence here, doctor d.
    trust me, shego: this plan is totally off the heezy.
beg pardon?
    off the hook?  it's raw. chokin'. chilly. poppin'. tight. mint.
    it's very, very good, alright?  look, i need to beef up on my teen language skillz if i'm going to kick it with my new army.
you are ~so~ hip...
    word.  now let's get this party started old school, yo.
    — kim possible (the golden years)

The Mayfair vs BoardGameGeek Park Place Log

A little background for those who don't know the background...  Mayfair Games, publishers of the English edition of Settlers of Catan and other board games, has instituted a policy such that - in a nutshell - retailers who sell their in-print products below 80% of MSRP won't be sold more product.  Mayfair adopted this policy because they feel that the Internet shops are hurting the brick-and-mortar shops, and that this is bad for the industry.  This has, naturally, increased prices of their games at Internet shops and has, just as naturally, incurred the ire of many people who are wont to spill their opinions for the masses.  Below is a selection from the coherent posts.  You can probably get the gist of the other hundreds of posts without my help.

As a teacher, I'm becoming increasingly more concerned about the percentage of my students who have known nothing but entitlement since they were born.  Those of you who are threatening to boycott retailers and publishers because you actually have to pay an appropriate price for your toys are behaving like whining, spoiled children.  Have you ever considered educating yourselves about economics?  Better yet, have you ever been able to step outside of your own experience and think about someone else?
    — Cher  (she later apologized, but i don't see that that was necessary.)

At what point does personal spite have the effect of becoming nothing more than dramatized self-denial of something that might bring you great pleasure?
    — DWTripp  (i debated the additional airtime since he sometimes selectively argues.)

You neglect to mention Group C, who don't especially care either way, and no matter what happens will still carefully weigh their disposable entertainment dollar against the price (whatever it is) of the potential purchase, just like they did before the Mayfair announcement that 90% of the thread apparently thinks is the 9/11 moment of boardgaming.
    — dysjunct

If PCgamers and video gamers are willing to spend $50-$60 on new games AT THE MSRP PRICE, and we as board gamers won't spend $40-$50 on ours, then which industry will have the most money poured into by those who manufacture the games?  Seriously....just think about that.  You don't see PC Games or Video Games discounted 35% when newly released, yet bad video games will out sell great boardgames hands down any day of the week.
    — flabber23

As a game publisher, I love the idea of a widely available sales channel (the online discounters) who take a smaller share of the customer price and thus make my product more attractive.  At the same time, I know how valuable it is for us every time a B&M store decides to carry and promote Battleground...and the existence of online discounters makes our product less attractive to B&M retailers.
    — Chad_Ellis

Greed is the mechanism by which entropy will destroy us all.
    — diehard4life  (this doesn't even make sense, but you gotta admit that it has a nice ring to it.)

[sic] and all that

The Mistress of the Dark Park Place Log

as executor of the estate of your great aunt miss morgana talbot, i'm sorry to inform you of her untimely passing.
    whoa - i didn't even know i had a *good* aunt, much less a *great* one.

do you know you were doing fifty in a twenty-five-miles-per-hour zone?
    ummm, no, but if you hum a few bars i'll fake it.  (pause)  i gotta get a new joke.  this one's costin' me a fortune.

bloody mary.
    no hard liquor served past eight o'clock.  do you want a virgin?
maybe, but, uh, i'll have a couple of drinks first.

my name's elvira, but you can call me... tonight.

i tell you: i nearly *died*.  there she was, paradin' around in clothes that couldn't keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle.  i mean, it was next to nothin'.
    i'd say it was next to *plenty*.

please, i don't think we need to resort to name calling.  i think what calvin is trying to say is that this elvira is a person of... easy virtue, a purveyor of pulchritude, a one-woman sodom and gomorrah, if you will.  a slimy, slithering succubus, a concubine, a street walker, a tramp, a slut, a cheap whore.

he'd kill us if we went to your show.
    not to mention our parents.
        he'd kill your parents too?!

revenge is better'n christmas.

do you always wear the same dress?
    no, sometimes i like to wear something low-cut and sexy...

Old Titleless Gunter Log X

everyone will have a job ... [but] we *will* be downsizing.
    — director's call
    (and people doubt that magic still exists...)

so how many years do we have 'til the term 'clockwise' becomes completely meaningless?

i fear the human race may ... with wise lies lure me.
    — louis macneice

if you find time to be alone you can find some time for me.
    — stiltskin

why should *you* be first?
    'cause i'm a *lady*.
you're not a lady - you're a *sister*.
    — the aristocats

breeding is no substitute for intelligence.
    — medicine man

FW: telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.  the act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
    // 07 addition:  nowadays it's small enough to fit in my pocket and too small to comfortably prop above my shoulder. yay technology.

man may be the sum of all he is exposed to, but can he truly determine to what extent he is affected?
    — me

The Social Glare Park Place Log

you can't pack bric-a-brac in the knickknack box.
    sorry, hon'.
well, we'll just have to cross our fingers and hope for the best.
    — kim possible: a sitch in time

posts regarding a rebus:  what is that thing top left? never seen one before.  //  it is a religious item.  //  really? then i haven't got a prayer.

i need someone to help me right now.  preferably someone who speaks english with an IQ above 60.
    — law & order: special victims unit (raw)

bansaw  n.  a wood-working device.  usage: this is easy to make on your own with a good bansaw.  (ten-to-one he looked at that - "that doesn't look right" - and moved on.)

look at you.  i had no idea you were such a fan of the mollusk.
    i never really gave them a chance before, but i'm acquiring a taste.  it's like eating a mermaid.
    — mad men (red in the face)

"to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses"
    i'm not sure how "man-made climate change" fits in there, but this is hardly the first square-peg-in-a-round-hole.

science may be the method by which we give name to God's miracles, but faith is the question that arises every time an old mystery is solved.  the elegant explanations discovered every day ... are the very reason to believe in something greater.
    — eureka (God is in the details)     ... = "in eureka"

Old Titleless Gunter Log IX

God.  He's cool like that.
    // 07 addition:  one of the few lines i remember that i said, though i've forgotten what it was in response to.

Q.  how many buglers does it take to reassemble an M-1?
A.  more than two...
    // 07 addition:  boy what a scam that was.  must've sucked for them that they so desperately needed a bugler that they agreed to let him skip out on nearly every other facet of honor guard.

(pout)  i lost GL '97 #3.
    // 07 addition:  looks like i've been using "(pout)" for a good while.  not sure if i should be *proud* of that fact, but, well, there it is.

i rescind my earlier statement; chatting is over-rated.  (not that you'll *never* see archangele at wbs, but it'll be rare.)
    // 07 addition:  i *think* i remember using "archangele", but *why* escapes me.

ax me no questions and i won't cut your head off.
    // 07 addition:  see? even way back then that annoyed me.

i'm firmly of the opinion that we should be exempt from all meetings where the number of acronyms being thrown around is more than the square of the number of stripes we've got on our arm.

mr c. jack gave *me* spaced out holographic stickers.  neener neener nee-ner!
    // 07 addition:  i'd like to buy a clue?

lieutenants are nothing more than airman who didn't *quite* fail out of college.
    — virginia pinner

Unlike lesser blogs...

Giant Curtains.  Barring vigilante action, this one simple addition would likely save more cumulative hours than all the ideas that no one else is promoting to improve our beleaguered transportation system.  For those who don't see where this is going, i'll explain - no, that would take too long; i'll sum up - but the beauty lies in its simplicity.  What happens is this: any time there's an accident, the police place a giant curtain up to shield it from prying eyes.  This would keep the rubber-necking jackasses - what? it's in the Bible - from delaying the dozens, if not hundreds, of cars behind them for no reason other than the fact that they don't want to be the only ones that don't know something.

Did you catch the carefully chosen wording?  They really couldn't care less unless someone they know might know.  One of the major problems with society is that people don't want others to have More than they do.  More information, more attention, more happiness.  It's a subtle distinction, but that doesn't mean it's any less pervasive.  Granted, as a general rule everyone wants more of everything, but there's no issue until they run across someone who has More or has the possibility of having More.  Their response could be as elaborate as trying to talk someone out of another job, as commonplace as stating opinion as fact (if not just fabricating things), or as simple as a comment that is designed to wound.  Is there a cure for this ailment?  Well, obviously it's not me remarking on it, but i don't know.  I wouldn't even know how to go about affecting a change though, as this seems not unlike trying to teach common sense, but here's hoping.

On a completely different note, if i say i don't know what food i ordered, i don't know what food i ordered.  And here's why i don't know what food i ordered: once i choose what i want, i impart that information to the person whose job it is to see that it is delivered unto me.  Did you notice what happened there?  I transferred the responsibility to someone else.  At this point, the person leaves, things happen, and without any further action on my part, my choice - in theory, at least - almost magically materializes in front of me.  In this way i am able to completely immerse myself in several conversations around me and get upset when someone says "that's Christianity..." as if the actions of one delineate the group.  As a bonus, not bothering to remember what i ordered gives my meal a hint of Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, what's with "xmas"?  Yes, it's a shorter word, but is that time people really needed to save?  How about they just not hit snooze tomorrow?  That should free up enough time for them to use the real word for, oh, the rest of their lives.  I can only assume people don't want to use the word because "Christ" is the root.  Well you know what?  They need to get over it.  It is what it is.  I don't have any problem using the phrase "happy birthday" even if i think someone shouldn't've been born.

Old Titleless Gunter Log VIII

how long have you been playing?
    i haven't played *seriously* since '89.
so you're just playing jokingly now?

i've come to the conclusion that being a bugler is kinda like being a field goal kicker: not only are you not really part of the team, but the best you can do is 'your job'.  plus, while there's exactly one way to do it correctly, there're roughly 30 bazillion to do it incorrectly.  (well, ok, only 24, but you know what i *mean*.)
    // 07 addition:  i guess technically there're 2^24 ways to do it incorrectly, but who's counting?

contrary to popular belief, there really *are* cool lieutenants.  (they're still not the *smartest* people i've ever seen, but they're learning.)

my, isn't *she* pleasant?
    yeah, and she's got such pretty blond hair too.  i wonder why she dyed the roots brown?

whenever the thought of using mtn dew as a valid substitute for visine crosses your mind even in jest, it's probably about time to get some sleep.

so who knows why the chicken crossed the road?  (and why didn't anyone think of that before?)
    // 07 addition:  the danger of in-jokes.  i'm sure i found this really amusing at the time.

they might be annoying as [BEEP], but if it wasn't for one of those moronic are-you-happy-with-your-phone-service people, i might *still* be sleeping.

oh, and mail will soon be delivered to the dorms, so now i'll have to check sgt jones' office *and* the post office for packages.  my, that really *is* convenient.

The Intensive Purpose Park Place Log

you're a non-believer.  why should we waste time on kabuki?
    — mad men (the hobo code)

a disney channel ad said, "if you have a web-enabled phone, get your parents' permission..."  (pause)  that about sums things up.

control can be a dangerous illusion.
    — painkiller jane (pilot)

instead of adding "(sp?)" to a post, how about you open another window and hit a dictionary site?  maybe more parents should've told their kids to "look it up".  or maybe more people should just *care*.

sometimes your lack of foresight is astonishing.
    — eureka (h.o.u.s.e. rules)

God bless the messaging generation and its need to truncate words for no apparent reason.  please- do your part to not let the human race devolve even faster than it already is.

and remember: life is full of entrées, so don't fill up on bread.
    — family guy (mother tucker)

"wreaks of suck" or "is teh suck".  is it worse to type the complicated homophone or to deliberately misspell a word in a misguided attempt to be humorous?  as an aside, and with no real basis, i'm going to guess that they both litter.

i don't think every story is about its ending.
    — heartland (i make myself into something new)

The Area Control Park Place Log

look, i know i screwed up; i don't need your passive-aggressive [BS] to remind me.
    i just exhaled...
    — heartland (pilot)

i love statements like "i would only be caught dead in church."  ignoring for the moment that it's grammatically nonsensical, what happened that you've passed "dismissive of" and have graduated to "vehemently against"?

what are you implying?
    what are you inferring?
    — eureka (h.o.u.s.e. rules)

learning how to make balloon animals is a lousy hobby if you have asthma.  or so i've been told, at any rate.

to a degree we are our patterns.  if you were locked in a livery of the world's miseries you would be led almost inexorably to choose your own because it's the pain you're familiar with.
    — the closer (critical missing)  //two quotes, but from the same person at least//

"ameritrash" is one of the most idiotic labels i've ever heard.  (pause)  there.  i've said it.

well, given everything you've told me, i get the distinct impression you haven't told me everything.
    i told you what i saw.
but there's more, isn't there?  what you saw *meant* something to you.
    — painkiller jane (we have nothing to fear but fear itself)

i just noticed that VH1's logo got fancy somewhere along the line.  and by "fancy" i mean "idiotic".  how sad for us.

your home is so... decorated.
    — kim possible (partners)

The Outer Limits Park Place Log V

buried deep in the heart of every conflict lies a territory known as "common ground", but how do we summon the courage to seek out its borders?
    — summit

there is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets in the future.
    — the haven

when the machinations of fear collide with man's inventive genius, the result can be both irreversible and terrifying.
    — afterlife

a safe place, warm and quiet.  a place to rest and recover.  when all is said and done, isn't that what we all want?  a safe place in someone's home.  or someone's heart.
    — the refuge

blind faith can lead us toward the light, or plunge us into eternal darkness.
    — revival

from the time we are children we are taught to mistrust strangers, but are *we* always as wary as we encourage *them* to be?
    — something about harry

the suffering we conceal and the sorrow we hide may only be fully understood by those who share a common pain.
    — nest

it is said that through our children we attain a kind of immortality: an unending chain of life in which mother and child are forever linked, carrying, in turn, the burden of humanity.
    — paradise

Old Titleless Gunter Log VII

i'm starting this one off by saying that the next army noncom who happens to wear his stripes on his hat in such a way that the sun glints off of them *will* in fact die a gruesome death, thank you.

nice jeans, bugle boy.
    shut up.  (btw, for the most part they're right: playing the trumpet really *is* like riding a bike.)
    // 07 addition:  look at me, outright lying.

he's much too happy much too often.  i just don't trust him.

jealousy is good.  it keeps the blood flowing.
and for those who haven't guessed, that's where i come in.
    (man, i really *am* conceited, aren't i?)

the difference between defeat and its acknowledgment is what keeps the world going.
    — the jungle (slightly paraphrased)

y'know, boring classes should be taught by babes (or their counterparts i guess, for you gals out there), 'cause then we wouldn't feel so bad about letting our mind wander.  or *something* like that.

and it just dawned on me why people like me so much: i'm an anachronism.  i'm like that museum piece you can't help but come back to just because you haven't seen anything like it for so long.

The Murphy's Law Park Place Log

why are men always tryin' to protect women?
    'cause you smell good.
    — after the sunset

people really clap at the end of movies?  how does that make more sense than talking to the screen?

God help me, but i love tough women.
    — they are among us

when i'm king i'm going to eliminate idiotic bumper stickers.  (pause)  strike that.  i'll give them out to anyone and everyone who wants them.  all the easier to track you, my pretties.

you can see into my apartment, but i uhhh... i can't see into yours.
    i promise you: i won't take advantage of it.
well i would if it were the other way around.
    — in a lonely place

why are ghost hunters afraid when they run into what they think are ghosts?  i'm just asking.

they should name a gender after you.  looking at you doesn't do it.  staring is the only way that makes any sense, and trying not to blink so you don't miss anything.
    — spanglish

(pout)  my yellow smirking shirt gave up the ghost.  at least it had a good run.

what is character?  is it in your blood or can it be learned?  is it timeless?  is it obvious or is it impossible to define?  will you recognize it when you see it?  not if you have to ask.
    — hennessy commercial

Old Titleless Gunter Log VI

whenever you right-click to magnify a portion of your monitor, it might be about time to wonder if perhaps you haven't been NetLinking a little *too* much.

assuming you can find the right people, chatting is cool.  (and naturally you know that if you start with people who are I-Saturn owners you're already ahead of the game.)

the account-holder end of their server's down more than it's up, but if for some reason you need to unload a picture, segahead@hotmail should be willing to accept it.
    // 07 addition:  i completely forgot i had this e-mail addy.  you can't have it though, 'cause i got it again.  not so much because i want it, but because i don't want anyone else to have it.  (smirk)  i can't wait not to check it any more frequently than i think to check michaelmalleyslogs@gmail.

suicide is the second leading cause of death among active duty air force members.
    — bitstream  (if you suggest #1 i'll make a Top 10 list.)
    // 07 addition:  i forgot i did lists.  i'll have to see if i still have any of them around.

in a dream i can see you are not far away.
any time, any place, i can see your face.
    — christmas nights into dreams
    (one of the many reasons chicks like sega best.)
    // 07 addition:  yes, i know, i shouldn't use "chicks".

and despite what you may think, the air force pays me to code, not express its opinions.  (*that* i do for free.)

oh, and if you ever leave your computer on overnight to see if something ran successfully, i wouldn't recommend just moving the switch to its opposite position out of habit.

Old Titleless Gunter Log V

better run home to *mama* now...
    — sarah bryant

    i'll take Sublimely Disgusting for $200, alex.
and the answer is...  over-cooked french onion flavored ramen noodles.  (misc buzzer sound)  mike?
    what is the most disgusting thing you could try to eat for 17 cents?

a dream is an answer to a question we haven't learned how to ask.
    — the x files

all our actions are ultimately selfish.  the trick is to make them appear otherwise.
    — me
    // 07 addition:  if i came up with this now, i think i'd add "with very rare exception," and scrap "all".

the loves of our youth are the deepest and truest.
    — a cure for baldness

in 1990, the [census] bureau relied on free advertising and had 98 percent participation.
    (now, call me silly, but if they knew the number of people that made up 100%...)
    — one of those online publications, via bird

the legacy of the modern age: we have information, but no truth.
    — disclosure

the truly dangerous are *always* very charming.  it's how they survive.
    — the littlest jackal

Old Titleless Gunter Log IV

why do *you* always have to drive?  because you're the guy?  because you're the big, macho man?
    no, i was just never sure if your little feet could reach the pedals.
    — the x files

a true friend is a friend you can tell the truth to and not worry.
    — ST:TNG  (yes, i *was* rather bored...)

don't start judging.
    i'm anticipating.
you always have a longer word for it, no matter what i say.
    — immersion

never give up what you love to be loved.
    — the silver shoes (paraphrased)

you only support free speech and freedom [in general] by opening doors, not closing them.
    — jeff marks

once a prep, always a prep.

are you kidding?  it's hard *not* to like a chick who can effortlessly use the word 'curmudgeon' in a sentence.

mikey?  he's the kind of friend who keeps you from feeling bland.

The Twilight Zone Park Place Log III

take care that, instead of the flavor of wine, the victory does not become the taste of ashes.
    — the mirror (paraphrased)

the world is made of concrete, but never forget that there is magic to be found.
    — the big tall wish (paraphrased)

leave the yesterdays alone; do something... do something about the tomorrows.
    — no time like the past

i'm just interested in what makes you tick.  or maybe it's what makes you tick so *loudly*.
    — the little people

i extend my sympathy so long as your yellow eats at *your* insides, but when it crawls into *my* bivouac and tries to climb up on *my* horse, i withdraw my sympathy and give you the back of my hand.
    — still valley

we... we retaliated?
    oh, indeed.  with alacrity, and great effectiveness.
    — probe 7, over and out

some of us are young, some of us are old, but neither state precludes any of us - young or old - from ignoring the basic cooperation that will be necessary here.
    — the trouble with templeton

idyllic?  obviously.  but don't look too carefully; don't peak behind the facade.  the idyll might have feet of clay.
    — the bewitchin' pool

The Tactical Idle Park Place Log

there's a fog over your eyes in which you can see only your own arrogance.
    — the legionnaire

if you completely gut it, it's no longer a mag-lite, genius.  cramming a 1200mm smoothbore platform into my celica doesn't turn it into an M1A2, but *does* make it Not A Celica.

pride is a poor substitute for intelligence.
    — rambo: first blood part ii

your mom *said* you were needy, but i just thought that was the alcohol talking.

life, every now and then, behaves as if it had seen too many bad movies, when everything fits too well: the beginning, the middle, and the end - from fade-in to fade-out.
    — the barefoot contessa

remember when theaters didn't have commercials?  at least they've been able to keep ticket prices down...

all this for just four easy and simultaneous payments of $8
    — on a website selling some software  (courtesy of valkraider)

was 48-hour deodorant really necessary?  if someone can't manage to get a hold of deodorant within 48 hours than they likely have more pressing issues than whether or not they smell pretty.

there's something about you that's just... a little off to the side.
    — painkiller jane (toy soldiers)

by the way, when companies don't recommend a product for non-colorfast fabrics, it's not idly.  that is all.

Old Titleless Gunter Log III

approximate number of days after i started attending classes again that i got back into my old habit of substituting caffeine for sleep: three.  (seems that i've traded RPGs and battletech for e-mail and the 'net, which is almost as bad in my dad's eyes.  (of course, once the novelty of doing that stuff at home wears off i guess i'll have to find out which of you guys and gals are gamers.))  [wow - nested ()s.]

absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
    — immersion

the best way to predict the future is to invent it.
    — the x files

why do people insist on saying things like "ancient sanskrit"?  is there a *modern* version floating around somewhere that's miraculously escaped my attention?

parental responsibility n.  a myth perpetrated by The Man to keep us from enjoying the carefree life we deserve.

you can't demonstrate what others have no power to imagine.
    — redux

NB:  it's generally considered 'not terribly bright' to open a spritzing soda can right in front of your desk fan.  honest.

and in case you were wondering, rubbermaid lids *will* in fact warp considerably if you keep them in the microwave too long.  (which, of course, saves you from the need to clean them afterwards.)

Rants, Few, Assorted

Why hasn't Paramount released Friday the 13th: the Series on DVD yet?  I'm a definite fan of the original Twilight Zone and the new Outer Limits - yeah i know: right out of left field - but they don't hold a candle to the adventures of Micki, Ryan and Jack (and Johnny).  I really liked the few episodes of Nowhere Man i managed to run across, but it'd end up playing second fiddle on this particular stage.  If enough of us fans voice our disappointment with its disappearance, maybe they'll at least bring it back as a Law & Order or CSI spin-off: The Vendredi Files.
    // Going on a year later, they finally have.  I'll take credit for that.

Riddle me this, Batman: how is it not against some law to make a period/historical piece that isn't accurate?  Except for the five people who know better, it seems fairly obvious to us to take for granted that what we see is the way things were.  It's one thing to have a motorcycle accelerate with the clutch squeezed or immediately start running from a car that was smashed into hard enough to send the driver's side window onto the passenger seat (trust me: you don't do either), but this is something you're already spending money and time on, so just spend a little more.  I actually think this would be beneficial for them as well, harking back ye olde travelling circus.  COME SEE THE ACCURATE MOVIE!  WHAT ONCE WAS SCOFFED AT CAN NOW BE YOURS!

Getting back to things which should be on DVD already, where's Spiral Zone?  It was set in 2007, which happens to serve as the twentieth anniversary.  How much more invitation is needed?  Instead we get utter garbage like Boohbah, which, to put it succinctly (albeit improperly), is the most retarded show i have ever seen.  Seriously, what happened to us as a society that the ones which taught us slowly became part of the past?  Captain Kangaroo, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Sesame Street, The Electric Company, 3-2-1 Contact, Reading Rainbow.  Those of us who remember them could list more which influenced us, but the point is either made or completely beyond your ken.

Speaking of "old" tv shows - since I'm on a roll - why did they kill ABC's Wide World of Sports?  //quick unsubstantiated research alert//  According to animaging (according to, it was ESPN.  (pause)  I *knew* there was a reason Ryan got under my skin.  No offence to MacGyver, Hardcastle & McCormick or Automan, but ABC's Wide World of Sports is probably the biggest blow.  It was concentrated sports, and let's face it: if you like Something, very rarely do you not like Concentrated Something.  The only form of concentrated sports we have now are the Olympic Games.  End segue.

The Outer Limits Park Place Log IV

in an age when we are led to believe that we can be anything we want to be, what most eludes us is simply being ourselves.
    — skin deep

what about all the people whose lives were saved because they had the good sense to protect themselves?  you don't bother telling stories about *them*.
    — the gun

to those who would corrupt the search for truth... be warned: the sword of justice cuts both ways.
    — judgment day

in a world where absolutes reign, what may be most important is finding the balance.
    — the inner child

how easily we scorn what fate has dealt us and dream of what it has not.  before we cast aside our lots, it would be wise to remember that dreams have a way of turning into nightmares.
    — second thoughts

in an age of medical miracles, who shall live and who shall die may be less a matter of chance than a matter of choice.
    — donor

the power of human emotion can neither be controlled by laws we create nor confined by the will we impose.
    — essence of life

the greatest lesson one generation can bestow upon the next is that reverence for the past ensures the future.
    — fathers & sons

Old Titleless Gunter Log II

mass on christmas; fish on friday.  you think that makes you a good [catholic]...
    — the x files

everyone puts on the face they assume will best serve during the day.  only at night does our true one show.
    — babylon 5

i do love your endless, naive way of seeing the world.
    — immersion

it takes great trust to show your true self to another.
    — the silver shoes

it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
    — move your [tush]

little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.  and despite that fact us guys still like them bunches...

Old Titleless Gunter Log I

a person does not fully appreciate sweetness if he or she has never tasted anything bitter.

human acquiescence is as easily obtained by terror as by temptation.
    — hellraiser: bloodline

the secret of happiness is high expectations and your own bag of chips.
    — dogbert

why do those dorky soda cups have the airline's name on them?  do they often get taken home as souvenirs?

sometimes people walk away 'cause they want to be alone, and other times they walk away to see if you care enough to follow.
    — babylon 5

a coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
    — touched by an angel
        (mom strikes again...)

one of the many thoughts i probably should just keep to myself:
    man, do those clouds look like mountains.  oh, wait...

blah blah blah your playstation--
    it's a *saturn*!
    oh, i don't *think* so!

The Potted Meat Park Place Log

organized properly, tents are surprisingly roomy.  unfortunately, the subtleties are easily forgotten when setting up at night with rain on the way.  (as much as i'd like to blame the 35watt HID, that wouldn't really be fair.)

oh, crap - i just dropped one.
    great.  now we'll have a hershey kiss tree that we'll need to walk around tomorrow.

someone cut her off.  any more coke zero and she's gonna plant her face in the fire.

i didn't believe mark when he said that.
    which is odd, because often mark is wrong and you're right...

you still have half a bottle left?  you're gonna have to change your major to nursing.

what did he say?  "excuse me, have you seen my euro carry-all?"

red pilot V5 + kroma(red) = completely invisible writing

always bring a torch to a cave, 'cause the tour guide's might absolutely suck.

no, no - they're not "damp with humidity"; they're "containing advanced cooling-enhancing fibers".

you know that feeling you get when you're peeing into a gatorade bottle and it seems to be filling up far too quickly?  (pause)  i really don't have anywhere to go with this, but there's no way it wasn't going to make the log, if only for posterity's sake.

it's like kicking a dog: you don't kick it a *little*.

The Dangerously Irresponsible Park Place Log

oop oop oop!  stupid idea alert!
    — kim possible (showdown at the crooked d)

i should trademark all the black words, 'cause either i'd get rich or they'd start talking normal just to spite me.

are you rather fond of *those* particular apples?!
    — ken and i

i was not speaking literally, my son.  (pause)  or was i?
    — kim possible (animal attraction)

this is what happens when a great deal of intelligence is invested in ignorance.
    — aeon flux (the purge)

only small-minded people take offense to everything.
    — party wire

how can it be offensive if it's true?
    — geico commercial

my ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete.
    — kim possible: the villain files

where am i going and why am i in this handbasket?

is there a patron saint for justification?  if not, there should be, and here's why...
    — ken shmalley

The Fairy Metal Park Place Log

we're still kids.  nobody knows what to do or how to do it.  it's all just lurching...
    — the people i know

lumens, by their very nature, cannot be directly measured.
(no, it's not you; this one passes beyond "esoteric" to "too tricky for my own good".)

are you always this forward?
    only with wet, married women.
    — fletch

if you haven't had too much alcohol to send an e-mail, you haven't had too much alcohol to check your spelling.  (pause)  i'm just saying.

i'm not like most people.
    i noticed.
oh, i mean: everyone works so hard to fit in and be like everyone else.  seems to me you're gonna work that hard it oughta be to *not* be like everyone else.
    — painkiller jane (toy soldiers)

sorry björk guðmundsdóttir from reykjavík, but you've been replaced by tarja soile susanna turunen cabuli from kitee in the "fun to say" category.

i don't scare easy - i'm too dumb.
    — fletch lives

the modern pentathlon consists of riding, shooting, fencing, swimming and running.  initially called "military pentathlon", the Union Internationale de Pentathlon Moderne described the event as follows: the choice of the five diverse and unrelated sports which make up the modern pentathlon arose out of the romantic, rough adventures of a liaison officer whose horse is brought down in enemy territory; having defended himself with his pistol and sword, he swims across a raging river and delivers the message on foot.

The Unicorn Defense Park Place Log

i must confess: i'm beyond my depth.  i'm the shadowy figure in the left background with the stupid expression on his face.
    — the man from planet x  (two quotes, but they fit so well)

now granted, i'm not exactly making things easy for myself by trying to learn sixteen songs at once that average two sharps/flats, but whoever said that playing the trumpet is like riding a bike was sorely mistaken.  (pause)  of course, i haven't ridden a bike in a while...

is this the new master we serve?  the whim of modernization?
    — gargoyle: wings of darkness

i love words like "nonplussed", which mean exactly what i think they shouldn't.

you know, for a mild man you sound vicious.
    didn't you know?  all mild men are vicious.  they hate themselves for being mild and they hate the windy extroverts whose violence seems to have a strange attraction for nice girls... who should know better.
    — a face in the crowd

what?!  i don't like little kids?  who said i don't like little kids?  why wouldn't i like little kids?  they're so... noisy.

criminals thrive on the indulgence of society's "understanding".
    — batman begins

joke grenade #416: needless to say...

you know, why is it just when i think i'm about to hear the recess bell life throws me one of those little pop quizzes?
    — where on earth is carmen sandiego? (split up)

The Necktie Social Park Place Log

then one day, a terrible thing happened: an angry rhinoceros appeared out of nowhere and gobbled up his poor mother and father.  their troubles - if they had any at all - were over in thirty-five seconds flat.
    — james and the giant peach

quaker instant oatmeal doesn't have nearly as much fiber as someone who knows little about fiber would expect, but they do happen to be responsible for one of the best jobs of technically not lying with statistics i've ever seen.  in any event, projecting my tastes upon the rest of the world, the flavors they need to keep around are - wait for it - banana bread, anything & cream, honey nut, cinnamon & spice, and cinnamon pecan.

this i take it was not purchased at tiffany's?
    no.  actually it was purchased concurrent with, uh... well, actually it came inside of... well, a box of crackerjack.
i see.  do they still really have prizes in crackerjack boxes?
    oh yes.
that's nice to know.  gives one a feeling of solidarity - almost of continuity - with the past, that sort of thing.
    — breakfast at tiffany's

you know those people who think that simply wearing the outfit makes them look good?  (pause)  that's all.  the rest pretty much writes itself.

that doesn't even make sense.  how can flimsy paper possibly beat the raw density of stone?
    — kim possible: a sitch in time

do you value your life?
    insofar as it lets me do things.

the good that you do makes a relationship stronger; the good that you don't, kills it.
    — yours truly  (looks like i'm not *completely* out of gems)

The Outer Limits Park Place Log III

within the human soul reside mysteries dark and deep about our frailties, our fears, our shame.  today, or a hundred years from now, the darkest matter will still lie in the human heart.
    — dark matters

everyone's so worried that they're gonna miss out on something that they can't be still long enough to listen, or quiet long enough to be aware of the moment.
    — the conversion

it is our nature to fear a dark purpose in that which we do not understand, but true evil may lie more in ignorance than in suspicion.
    — the inheritors

time is a river winding steadily through the landscape of tomorrow.  there are those who would steal a glimpse around the next bend and those who would fight the current, but the wisest are those who turn their eyes from the waters and seek out a fellow traveler to share in the journey.
    — virtual future

spare us the scourge of little minds.
    — joyride

the roman philosopher boethius said, "in other living creatures, the ignorance of themselves is nature, but in men it is a vice."  imagine treading into the deep recesses of the one's self and finding someone you never knew existed.
    — birthright

never argue with a summa cum laude who minored in rhetoric.
    — the replica

men of war have long known that warriors must often abandon those verities they defend - peace, human kindness, love - for they hold no meaning to the enemy.  and so doing, do we become what we despise, and despise what we become?
    — quality of mercy

The Outer Limits Park Place Log II

if we mock that which we do not understand, we may learn too late that the penalty for such arrogance is annihilation.
    — alien radio

it is said that conduct on the battlefield is the ultimate measure of a man, but often the enemy we are most afraid to face is much closer to home.
    — black box

our greatest achievements do more then heal the sick and give strength to the weak.  they also lead us from the darkness to a place of hope and light.
    — the other side

humans are driven to explore their history, to rediscover forgotten lives and times, for deep down we have always known that our past is often prologue.
    — sarcophagus

the values we instill in our children are those within ourselves.  we should make sure they are the values we want them to live by, and die by.
    — lion's den

there is no sound - no voice, no cry - in all the world that can be heard until someone listens.
    — the message

what *is* our last line of defence?  is it the military, with all of their power and might, or is it the courage of a solitary man?
    — the voice of reason

it is said, "only children are willing to believe in the possible existence of unknown creatures."  when these creatures are discovered, scientists will classify them by genus, class, order, and species.  but to children, aren't they simply the monsters that they already know?
    — under the bed

The Outer Limits Park Place Log I

our most powerful instinct is self-preservation, but what happens when fear and mistrust twist that drive into a force more destructive than any outside enemy?
    — promised land

for every human act there is a moment of decision - a single thought, a breath, a heartbeat - after which all possible outcomes narrow to one.
    — the conversion

in the darkest of hours, in the greatest of battles, we must never forget who, or what, we are.
    — quality of mercy

mankind will be forever doomed to destruction if we continue to *ask* for the truth, but then refuse to listen.
    — to tell the truth

perhaps how we face death is not as important as how we face life: to live each day with hope, with courage, and with love, as if it were our last.
    — inconstant moon

the human race is maturing slowly, mired in repetitive patterns of behavior.  how we learn so little in the face of so much accumulated evidence should be of prime interest.
    — abduction (paraphrased)

if you were offered the chance to communicate with another person's mind, would you choose to do it, knowing that in return you would have to expose your own deepest and most intimate thoughts?
    — living hell

the more we learn about the universe around us, the more we realize how little we truly know, but we will only find what wonders await us if no false walls are built around our explorers and no false restraints applied to the unquenchable human thirst to know it all.
    — double helix

The Cuban Belleza Park Place Log

i'd like to have both [a life of happiness and one of meaning].
    can't be done.  two *very* different paths.
    — heroes (parasite)

carmen sandiego.  we don't know what's under the red trench coat and she's silent on the matter.  perhaps because there's nothing to say?

idealists don't get much done without a few pragmatists running interference for them, so get off your moral high horse.
    — eureka (h.o.u.s.e. rules)

why did script writers decide that gore was an acceptable substitution for tension?  is it similar to my deciding to go to sleep when i know that staying awake is something i can't quite manage?

hey!  no gloating!
    page 6, sub paragraph 3: gloating is to be allowed.
        wo-ho!  they got you with the Neener Clause.
    — kim possible (car alarm)

the Olympic Philately, Numismatic and Memorabilia Commission is comprised of the International Federation of Olympic Philately, the International Federation of Olympic Numismatic and the International Olympic Memorabilia Federation.  (pause)  stamps and coins, respectively.  and collectibles.  i'll come in again...

if one must exceed the other, let it be your ambition rather than your talent.
    — blow (paraphrased)

the next time you can't possibly imagine, perhaps you should try.

i'll wager you anything you like: if american women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight.
    — it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

That's what *she* said

I miss the old days.  She said a lot back then.  Not so much any more, and i think that's to our detriment.  I feel in my gut that she's still around though, just is a bit gun-shy with how society as a whole has changed in the intervening years.  I'm of the opinion that if enough of us show her that we haven't forgotten how much we appreciated her that she'd once again grace us with her presence.  So please, join me.  I'll do it alone if i have to, but i'd much rather have a partner...

Forgive me for jumping the tracks here, but i've noticed that some people apparently don't have a solid handle on the quotes.  To be blunt: i consider them intrinsically worthwhile.  If otherwise, they likely wouldn't be acceptable except as an in-joke (you dropped your /pay' pa/).  Now that's not to say that there haven't been occasions when quotes have applied to my situation, but that's merely a little inside knowledge that i allow myself to enjoy.  As for them equating to recommendations of the sources, while i don't know that i've quoted something i didn't care for, it's not impossible.  The Logs are written for me first and you second.  I'm all for you enjoying the experience, but it's what *i* get out of it that really matters...

Not that you didn't see this coming, but allow me to digress a bit.  I'm of the opinion that everyone should have a personal motto.  It doesn't have to be noble, profound, witty or even last longer than tomorrow afternoon, but at any given time you should be able to state yours.  As you may suspect, the best part of a personal motto is the "personal" part.  One that is life-affirming is just as good as one that makes not the slightest bit of sense as long as it resonates with you.  Mine?  It's *my* sandbox.  Now it's your turn.  And take your time; it's not a race to the finish...

So where was i?  Oh, yes: the old days.  I miss them.  Or maybe what i miss is how uncluttered they were.  Some things today just seem needlessly complicated.  And by "complicated" i mean "annoying".  Sure, the Internet is in some ways significantly better than pulling books off the shelf, but growing up it never occurred to me to check a second encyclopedia to verify the first's information.  I also never needed to leaf through pages of exposition that were in some vague way related - or not - to the topic i was researching.  But that's progress, i guess.  I shudder to think what will happen though if the crap we must wade through ever outpaces the speed we can wade through it.  If you take what we have for granted, you will very likely regret it...

my dream could become your nightmare.
:: where on earth is carmen sandiego? (moondreams)


The Handcuff Lightning Park Place Log

what do you think is below the surface arrogance?
    more arrogance, and then perhaps a few delicious layers of flaky disdain, all around a creamy sweet center of homicidal rage.
    — the librarian: quest for the spear

...actually, you would do exactly as i would.  if you mean "if i was in your situation," then that's what you should say.

it's a theory.
    it's kinda jumping to a conclusion.
well that's what theories are, right?
    — kim possible (gorilla fist)

by the way, i've asked the rest of the world, and you two are the only ones who liked The Transporter but not Crank.  i'm sure that's just coincidence though.

i'll help you with that.
    i can handle it.
i wasn't suggesting that you couldn't.
    isn't that what "i'll help you with that" means?
    — criminal minds (distress)

oh, wait, here it is: /a na ta nee wa/--  oh, forget it; i'll just send it to you.
    (anata niwa kunfuu ga tarinai wa.  (you don't know what i've been through.))

captain, how soon can you land?
    i can't tell.
you can tell me - i'm a doctor.
    no, i mean "i'm just not sure."
well can't you take a guess?
    well...  not for another two hours.
you can't take a guess for another two hours?
    — airplane!

The White Trash Park Place Log

do you need anyone?  she's very good at tea.
well, i say "very good"; i mean "not bad".
well, i say "not bad"...
    — doctor who (army of ghosts)

reason #37 to play rummikub: penélope and salma play it.

life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it.
    — blow

even back in 1925, any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, was purely coincidental.

moderation is not abstinence.  moderation necessarily connotes use.
    — aeon flux (thanatophobia)

the reverse osmosis water purifier.
i don't even particularly enjoy water, but i like living up to the american stereotype.

world class villains are defined by disproportionate revenge.
    — kim possible (animal attraction)

you'd think God wouldn't put sarcasm and intelligence in the same body, but, well... He works in mysterious ways.

now what kind of an attitude is that? "these things happen."  they only happen because the whole country is just full of people who when these thing happen they just say "these things happen."
    — it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

dr who '65 & '66 movies: proof that kids don't *need* to be the weak link.

The Poconos Park Place Log

in three years we'll be... under thirty-five.   (ouch)

and now you know why there's a flashlight in my jacket pocket.  as an aside, how do people in snow-prone areas not know to rock the car when stuck in - or in this case, on - a drift?  btw, i recommend you not be too hard on the kid: his crappy torch was still better than the ones none of you had with you.  (for those curious, "the sun" is a Streamlight TL-3 with Carley H1499-BF.)

are you sure it's not /ā'-on/?
    oh, yeah... /ā'-on/.  you might be correct, since you've never *seen* it.
but the A is first...
    it's in bondage.

remember the Wide World of Sports (specifically, the Agony of Defeat)?  well, anything that doesn't kill you makes for a good story.  of course, anything that *does* makes a better one for someone else.

(sigh)  fine...   we were going down the hill as a loose conglomerate - as opposed to a streamlined train - and one of us got a little too tricky for my own good.  simultaneously with a dramatic camera pan, the RPG hit the side of the tube, flipping it over.  i was then run over in a valiant attempt to keep me from sliding excessively by slowing me down, though not enough to keep my glasses from being dragged off and my ear becoming snow-packed.  luckily though, my right temple absorbed most of the force, keeping the bruises at bay.

do you want neosporin for that?
    no, i don't put things on things.  (yes, i heard you.)

i heard *you* too, and i don't care what you say: even she can't tell me some of those names aren't different just for the sake of being different.

super tree run.  you mock that which you do not understand.

this was fun.  i wish we could have weekends like this more often.
    well if you would just accept Jesus Christ into your life...

The Twilight Zone Park Place Log II

this is the way nightmares begin (or perhaps end): very simple, direct, unadorned; incredible, and yet so terribly real that even while they're happening we live with them and adjust to them and assimilate them.
    — to serve man

honest men make unconvincing liars.
    — the howling man

no matter what the future brings, man's capacity to rise to the occasion will remain unaltered.  his potential for tenacity and optimism continues as always: to out-fight, out-point and outlive any and all changes made by his society.
    — steel

i saw him and didn't recognize him.
    that is man's weakness and satan's strength.
    — the howling man

it's important to get with the majority, isn't it?  that's... that's a big thing nowadays, isn't it, reverend?
    that's all there is, is the majority.  the minority must've died on the cross two thousand years ago.
    — i am the night - color me black

why do you stay here?
    i was under the impression that i was needed.
you are.  that explains why i keep you here... but it doesn't even remotely suggest why you *stay*.
    you would like me to be quite honest, i presume?
indeed.  you may be a bit short on duty, but a lack of candor has never been one of your deficiencies.
    i stay-- i *live* for the moment when i can see you buried.  when i come back from your funeral i'm going to open a bottle of wine.
    — uncle simon

The Twilight Zone Park Place Log I

i find of late that i have very little choice in the matter of expressing emotions.  i can either drink or i can weep, and drinking is so much more subtle.
    — the night of the meek

never dream instead of do, nor hope instead of try.
    — in praise of pip (paraphrased)

neither sympathy nor compassion can be handed out wholesale like cheap bubblegum.  the recipient must be worthy of them.
    — one more pallbearer

too often man becomes clever instead of becoming wise.
    — the brain center at whipple's

the most common ailment of all men: the strange and perverse disinclination to believe in a miracle.
    — the big tall wish

be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.
    — the changing of the guard (horace mann)

you know, you're the only woman i know who looks as if underneath her clothes she wore clothes.  you have all the grace and femininity of a high-button shoe.
    and *you*, uncle simon...
go on.  let's see if you can compensate for the fact that you're a passionless vegetable by speaking your mind.
    if i'm a passionless vegetable, it's because my gardener is an ancient relic, made out of dry skin and ice water.
not bad, not bad, not bad.  you know, if i prod you hard enough, you can scrabble up to the occasion.  or at least part way.
    — uncle simon

The Banana Split Park Place Log

aka  Beavers, Anchors and Primes, Oh My!

[anna nicole smith's death] gave free rein to the pseudonymous savagery which passes for informed commentary on the web.
    — reuters

i love those ice cream vending machines with a lid that lifts when you insert the first coin and ye olde vacuum hose that delivers your treat.  they're like carnival games i always win.

what is it?
    the stars in your eyes: they're stolen.
    — aeon flux (a time for everything)

unlike actual sweet potatoes, sweet potato fries from the cafeteria are somewhere between interesting and good.  i'm gonna guess that it's the abundance of salt.  and bargain basement grease.

a proper villian always leaves his foe when he is about to expire.
well it would be bad form just to loll about waiting for it.
    — kim possible (animal attraction)

i don't know if you caught the report - it was surprisingly low-key - but caffeine has finally been moved from the Pill food group to Life's Little Essentials.

what's it for?
    oh, i don't know.  i'm sure it'll come in handy.
twelve years and you don't know what it does?
    i didn't say that.  i said i didn't know what it's *for*.
    — van helsing

The Prime Mover Park Place Log

is that what we're doing?  surviving?
    don't underestimate it.  it's harder than it looks.
    — the people i know

did the Active Denial System make anyone else think of Dune?  just asking.

we are the federales.  you know: the mountain police.
    if you're the police, where are your badges?
badges?  we ain't got no badges.  we don't need no badges.  i don't have to show you any stinking badges!
    — the treasure of the sierra madre

Daylight Saving Time 2007.
if only the OS companies had seen this coming a year ago...

strength is not an absolute value.  evolution is a string of victories by the strong over the meek.  we have already evolved so much our actions would be incomprehensible to a human from a thousand years ago.
    — aeon flux (end sinister)

one for the Gunter crew: in romanian tile rummy, the joker is referred to as "joly".

avoid serious conditions such as frostbite and hypothermia by keeping warm.
    — national weather service taunton

if bad things happen in threes, what do good things happen in?

what tragedy happened in your life that you insist upon punishing yourself with all this mediocrity?
    — 30 rock

I'm sarcastic because i care

This is the part where i talk about myself.

Unfortunately for you, one of the many things i'm known for is not really talking about myself.

I guess i have to give you *something* though, so i'll say this: i'm the King of Semantics.  I'm relatively certain it's a self-appointed title, but i could be mistaken.  In any event, some have agreed and none have refuted, so the smart money says the title is officially mine by common law.

By the way, i'll tell you right off the bat that on none of these pages will i recommend you read The Screwtape Letters.  Did that once.  Big mistake.  I'm such a fan that it hadn't occurred to me that someone else wouldn't like it at least a little.  In the manner of me and Crystal Singer, the pairing lasted about half as long as planned.  (there's likely a moral in there somewhere.)

As for my talents, at one time i was a prodigious reader and rather skilled at playing the trumpet.  Sadly, i haven't seen those days for quite a while, though i imagine there's still enough time to run across them.  On a positive note, i still find myself able to use words like "smattering" without *trying* to use words like "smattering", so it seems i haven't completely out-grown my previous self, though i hesitate to consider the battle won.

And that's about it except for the lightning round...

WELCO METOT HENEX TLEVEL  I read all the Hardy Boy books in my school library.  It's always best to dig a hole correctly the first time.  If it really came down to it, Moon Knight could take Batman.  God isn't much into smiting these days (now that He has Warrior Nun Areala).  hey hay is for horses so what sew buttons zippers are better velcro's best not if it doesn't work it can't not work.  The cutter-uppers.  I was seriously upset when i found out that Superman could run faster than Flash.  Classic Battletech.  I felt cheated when i discovered that baggers now had this motorized whatever and no longer had to *push* dozens of carts up to the store.  SEGA!

we are only what we remember of ourselves and what we've done.
without memories, we are nothing.

that's the funny thing about memory, isn't it? we are not what
we remember of ourselves. we are what people say we are. they
project upon us their convictions. we are nothing but blank screens.
:: aeon flux (reraizure)

The Best Practices Park Place Log

you lost the substance by grasping at the shadow.
    — aeon flux (the purge)

you'd assume i'd be numb to it after a while, but no, every time i put on my avalanche speed stick i instinctively cover my head, because it smells just like a huge wall of snow is about to fall on me.

y'know, the worst ain't so bad when it finally happens.  not half as bad as you figure it'll be *before* it's happened.
    — the treasure of the sierra madre

if my password doesn't expire for thirteen days, why would i possibly want to change it *now*?  but ask me again when i immediately log on the next server, just in case i feel otherwise.

if you can't appreciate what you've got, you better get what you can appreciate.
    — my fair lady

the first african american super bowl.  rosa parks would be proud.  on a vaguely related note, from this point forward i will demand redress if i'm not referred to as either czechoslovakian american or carpatho-rusyn american.  your choice.

she's his assistant.  that's a euphenism, though.
    she's kind of young to be a euphenism.
    — the big bounce

having the car ceiling light turn on along with an open door is not a decision you should make lightly.  granted, it could help with close-range attacks by providing a bit of forewarning upon entering the car, but you'll be sending invitations to snipers at both ends of the trip.  now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

party wire.  1935.  beat that.  (it was surprisingly engaging.)

The Formative Years Park Place Log

howdie, hombre.  what in tarnation is a-goin' on?
    — kim possible (showdown at the crooked d)

we landed on the moon in '69.  now that i noticed, i bet i'll remember.

doctor, they've got guns.
    and i haven't, which makes *me* the better person, don't you think?  they can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.
    — doctor who (army of ghosts)

"be alert to heavy truck traffic"
who saw the need for this sign, and why didn't they also see a need for "yield to glacier" and "road may be molten"?

tell me your heart's desire.  one wish, and it's yours.
just no heads on plates.
    — aeon flux (thanatophobia)

they say a smart person learns something every day.
    ken's response:  see, i think a smart person already *knows* things.
    my response:  well then you must be a very smart person indeed.

it's one of the things i like: how depressing it is.  it's like where dreams go to die.
    — the big bounce

"that being said, however..."
    is there a better transition out there?  maybe, but i make no guarantee.

The Sea Legs Park Place Log

aoccdnirg to rcesaerh at cmbarigde uneirvtisy, it deson't mttaer in waht oredr the lteters in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the fsirt and lsat ltteer be at the rhgit pclae.

if i had to replace you it'd probably take me most of the day.
    — the big bounce

you know what i haven't seen for a while?  calvin peeing on something.  have all those vehicles broken down?

are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
    have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
    — my fair lady

it's somewhere between difficult and nigh-impossible to use the word "loathe" correctly, but i can confidently state that i loathe Taboo.

let’s just think about this for a second, shall we?  i am out of your league.  i’m so out of your league that if your league exploded, i wouldn't hear it for three days.  so let us continue in a comfortable silence, shall we?
    — the librarian: quest for the spear

ever notice how you can get away with things that sound like something?  for instance, you can hand someone a drink and say "does it taste like pee?"  at best they'll be confused and at worst rather upset, but you can smooth everything over with "does it fill you with glee?"

i don't know what to say.
    good, because i don't want to hear it.
    — aeon flux (a time for everything)

The Rusty Joints Park Place Log

    you could have left.  why d'you stay up here all these years?
seemed like a good idea at the time.  you know what i mean, kid?
    yeah.  i do.
have you ever spent thirty years in a cabin?
well then you don't know what i mean.
    i mean, metaphorically, i know what you mean.
metaphorically, have you ever spent thirty years in a cabin?
well then *think* before you talk.
    — without a paddle

the word you're looking for is "(re)search", not "google".  every time i hear people use that as a verb i want to 9mm them.

people no longer understand what it means to be considerate - or they just don't think it is worth it anymore.  we have lost our table manners.
    — valkraider

step 1.  find a calendar
step 2.  look at february and march
(sure, it's fairly commonplace, but who noticed?)

just because i don't feel like doing something doesn't mean i'm not capable of doing it.
    i agree.  but i could also say that those who cannot obey themselves needs to be commanded.
    — aeon flux (the purge)

and now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go see if i can still find a good price on some of that cheap offshore viagra.  (just between you and me though, i wish i could score a deal on v1agra, 'cause *that's* the good stuff.)