The Petrified Lightning Park Place Log

trust doesn't mean a whole lot without honesty.
    — gargoyles (her brother's keeper)

when it comes to plopping them on the tray, there's a fine line between "as large as possible" and "giant sheet pan cookie".

[i]t's when you run away you're most likely to stumble.
    — the snows of kilimanjaro

push until alarm sounds; door can be opened in 15 seconds.
even ignoring the lawsuit waiting to happen, how is that a good idea?

life often turns upon such small things as a flickering old lamp.
    — the arabian nights (lang)

instead of informing me that i can't use the flash in burst mode, how about camera makers design firmware that assumes i know what i'm doing and have what i'm setting *right now* override what i set *before*?

some people have so little consideration for others, which makes life so much more difficult than it needs to be.
    — the lady vanishes

The Penultimate Zero Eight Park Place Log

unfortunately for my brother, it seems to be a law that oatmeal cookies contain raisins.  as an aside (and only tangentially related), do people really not realize that "dried plums" are prunes?

there's the difference between us, carmen.  you spend so much time with your precious little plans, trying to make tidy entrances and exits that you forget why we're *really* thieves in the first place: to take... what others... have!  period.  end of career description.
    wrong!  i do it for the mental gymnastics.  the challenge of-
oh spare me the twisted philosophies, carmen.  you've got a serious problem, you know that?  and the sooner you realize you're no better than anyone else who steals - for fun or profit - the better off we'll *all* be.
    — where on earth is carmen sandiego? (maelstrom's revenge)

just a little monday humor
8 Dec 97

maybe it was the heady feeling of having successfully tied a tie, maybe it was having heard the line 'something men have to worry about in blues' as a clue of sorts for the word 'stiff', or maybe it was a combination of these and a myriad of other things which had happened to me that evening, but i thought that this was oh so amusing when i came up with it saturday night...

i looked up to God, and asked, "God" - i can do that since we're on a first-name basis and all - "why am i so much cooler than everyone around me?", and He looked down at me, smiling benignly - because that's what he does, more often than not, you know: smile benignly - and said, "son, if i've told you once, i've told you a thousand times: the word you're looking for is 'pretentious'".

too long to be part of a GL
27 April 98

until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.  all sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  a whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
    — w.h. murray  (you know, the scottish himalayan expedition one.)

The Great Snow of '08 Park Place Log

i wasn't going to comment on this since everyone else was doing so well, but if every person in that mob shows half that initiative helping their fellow man, the human race might come out ahead.  as an aside, instead of forcing wal-mart employees to watch a what-to-do video we should be forcing all the geniuses and their peers to watch a what-not-to-do one.

i wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me.  or am i even in its mind at all?
    — styx

Top Five Decisions I've Just Made Concerning My Movie
(17 June 98)

  5.   not a single telephone number will begin with '555'.

  4.   all props will be stored in a safe between shoots.

  3.   i will watch it before i release it to the public.

  2.   the bad guy will kick serious <BEEP>.  (and he will have neither a perm nor a single shock of hair with the rest of his head being covered by this idiot plastic dishbowl thing.)

And the Number One Decision I've Made Concerning My Movie...

   the obligatory halter-top-and-shorts-clad-chick-carrying-a-big-weapon-backlit-by-massive-explosions shot shall remain untouched.  whether or not this shot has the slightest bearing on the plot is completely irrelevant.

Five More Decisions I've Just Made Concerning My Movie
(24 June 98)

  5.   the obligatory chase / cat-n-mouse scene will take place during an E3.

  4.   the story-boarders *will* look at a map to keep track of that whole distance vs time thing.

  3.   i will make a cameo appearance and shout SEGA! for no discernible reason.

  2.   two words: subliminal messages

And the Number One Decision I Just Made...

   the trailer will not give away the plot.  in fact, i'm pretty sure that it'll consist solely of the halter-top-and-shorts-clad-chick-carrying-a-big-weapon-backlit-by-massive-explosions scene shown from multiple angles, MTV-style.

The US Patroness Park Place Log

once again i'm surprised that this isn't common knowledge for northern folk: when it comes to snow drifts, momentum - not finesse - is your best friend.

can you never rise above trivialities?
    can't rise above anything more than three syllables, my dear; never could.
    — the scarlet pimpernel

the CBS show numb3rs?  not only is the name too tricky for its own good, but it may have the highest level of nonsense of any show currently on the air. (boobah is still the most painful show i've ever seen, though.)

i've never seen an insectiverous plant before.  what is it called?
    venus flytrap.  a devouring organism.  aptly named for the goddess of love.
    — suddenly, last summer

we really need to stop putting more and more photosites on small camera sensors.  granted, i like higher numbers as much as the next guy, but it's the quality of the pixels that matter.  the difference between a prosumer's 3MP and a compact's 8MP is not as obvious as the numbers would suggest.

you can't get lucky all the time.
    you can be smart every day though.
    — 16 blocks

butterfinger crisp, baby.  the original butterfinger fun size bars are top notch too, but the full size version is a bit too messy for me.  almond joy is right up there as well, but it really needs twice as many almonds.

Gunter Log 181198

A Score and Four of the Shortest Books I've Ever Written Gunter Log

capitalization: a primer

using words in a manner consistent with your audience

the base barber and you: looking your best

how to exercise for more than a week and a half at a time

the layman's guide to particle physics

sodas other than mountain dew

how not to be a sarcastic b@$+@rd

setting reasonable standards

point of sale: buying in moderation

getting along with people older than you

learn to chauffeur in under a week

spartan living

keeping excessive bass from upsetting the person who lives behind you

raving 101

the long term benefits of credit cards

college and you: a practical guide

the complete honor guard experience

babes i can't seem to get along with

modesty - it's not just for everyone else

keeping your laughter in check

the many uses of RE:ALLs

an etymological study of last names

my place in the *real* world

blitzmail: a study in futility

The Financial Alchemy Park Place Log

so tell me again why we haven't invented chainsaw chains that don't lengthen almost as soon as you look away.  (i realize all chains lengthen, but i don't understand why we can't slow the process down a bit.)

if a man says something in the forest and his wife isn't there to hear him, he's still wrong.
    — michael j fox

those commercials with doctors giving massive amounts of information kill me, 'cause i've never met one that didn't try his best not to give me detailed answers.

the beginning of any society is never charming or gentle.
    — the last man on earth

the other day i used "lasternight" in a sentence.  how sad for me.

how come God hogs up all the good followers and we get all the retards?
    — spawn  (yes, i know, this quote isn't very PC, what with it mentioning God.)

those mylar blankets really do keep you warm, but i think they're made out of concentrated noise.

Gunter Log 290598

FROSTED Brown Sugar Cinnamon Gunter Log (with a Mt Dew chaser)

i was described as 'practically giddy' last week.  (pause)  looks like i'm gonna have to try a bit harder.

be careful - even *stupid* people have moments of genius.
    — me (from my BattleTech glory days)

you get a bonus point if you can tell me what 'brominated' means.  (NB: if you cull it from a dictionary i'll expect a layman's version as well.)

when the AF begins to stand between you and your friends it's about time to... um... make sure you don't say anything that can be overheard.

psst!  just between us, dentists really hate it when you eat those peanut butter chocolate wafer things right before you get your teeth cleaned.

*tear*  *tear*  *rip*  *shred*
oh, and if your gums hurt a little just rinse your mouth out with some warm salt water...

Gunter Log 270597

New Plastic Gunter Log -   Guaranteed Not to Rust for TEN YEARS!

any mom which can effortlessly use the word 'whatevah' during a conversation is a cool mom.  (my sister and i have taught her well.)

whenever you see someone in a McDs line reading a novel, you might as well just go home.

quick!  more lame autosigs!

btw, apparently 'crazy-wild' - as in, 'we can have a crazy-wild party' - has now become acceptable vernacular.  you have been warned.

and how can this *be*?  for he *is* the kwisatz haderach!
    — dune (the movie)
btw2, i wouldn't mind having alia as a little sister, 'cause she *rocks*!

btw3, not that lara croft isn't still right up there - how could she *not* be with her brazen attitude and crisp british accent - but janet marshall is now my VG babe of choice.  (i just can't help but like a babe who carries a gun but is so in control she doesn't need to draw it.)
// 08 addition:  blaze fielding will always be tops, though. you never forget your first.

oops i did not mean to reply all sorry
    — dsdjs nitmd  (heaven forbid we simply cancel the message and press the *correct* button)
// 08 addition:  i'm guessing that my oh so tricky encoding was 'sasha burns', but the name really doesn't ring any bells.

while i may not know who the enemy is anymore, i do know my friends.
    — babylon 5  (i don't own the DVDs yet, so i don't know the specific episode.)

any movie which has julianne moore, dinosaurs and a sega reference is a good movie.  period.  end of sentence.

The Cucumber and Licorice Park Place Log

until you've made a cookie sheet-sized apple pie with seven pounds of apples, you've only dabbled.  (and that's seven pounds after they're peeled and cut.)

swift run the sands of life except in the hour of pain.
    — the hunchback of notre dame (silent)

what's with fining nfl players for supposed late hits and other infractions when penalties weren't earned during the game?  if we're going to play that way, why can't we fine political candidates when they say things that aren't 100% factual?

well mike, i wouldn't worry: prosperity's just around the corner.
    yeah, it's been there a long time.  i wish i knew which corner.
    — my man godfrey

brooke shields, actress/humanitarian.  my parents don't agree, but those are some funny commercials.

mere force is useless against people who are neither cowards nor fools.  we must match courage with courage and cunning with still greater cunning if we are to do anything at all.
    — the scarlet pimpernel

early voting.  it's election *day*, not election *fortnight*, right?

Gunter Log 140597

Caffeine Free Diet Pointless Gunter Log

there is no gravity; the earth sucks.
    — mystic water (via beth candy)

we need a new search engine for the global list, 'cause 'liz', 'mis' and 'spudhead' should be *more* than enough information to find who i'm looking for.

while looking at the ingredients of my 'cool from nestea natural lemon flavored iced tea sweetened', i noticed that it includes 'concentrated tea from tea leaves'.  (it's a joke grenade; just give it a little time.)

four little E.C.s, happy as can be -
one goes too far, and now there are three.
// 08 addition:  this is another of those items that no longer mean anything to me, but i'm sure were rather clever at the time.

BIIIIIG sack by manumana the slender, who does his "i'm gonna go get me some poi" sack-celebration dance.
    — necessary roughness

never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear.  it annoys them very much.
    — g.k. chesterton

The Situational Morality Park Place Log

135,591 in Planet Puzzle League for DS.  another reason why my mom is cooler than your mom.  (she also likes Dark City.)

i'm going deaf with alliteration.
    — my dad

i look forward to the day that things happen to Madonna and no one really cares.  to quote myself (though regarding someone else), "you're no Cher."

it's like it was fried and then soaked in disgusting.
    — mark schmalley

i want to vote for t. boone pickens if only because his commercials don't annoy me.

this must be what sadness tastes like.
    — ryan fitzpartick  (not *that* ryan fitzpatrick)

i really don't think it'd be amiss that a law be passed mandating that smokers spray febreze on their clothes before they mix with non-smokers.

The Columbus Day Park Place Log

when you record your phone message, don't say "you reached (your name)", because obviously i haven't.

even if we invent a vehicle that runs on nothing but good intentions and emits only good will, our species will probably find some stupid way to waste somewhere else...
    — valkraider

it seems to be becoming an epidemic: it's "historic", not "historical".

boy, you're just all kinds of clever, aren't you?
    i don't know about *all* kinds, but i'd say i'm a rather large handful of clever, yes.
    — yours truly  (i know: it's been a while.)

the apple pear.  also called the chinese pear.  or papple.  start with a nice-sized, juicy apple and replace all the flavor with that of a pear.  no, really: it's the taste of a pear with the texture and shelf life of an apple.  God bless science's ability to tinker with nature.

[n]oble death is a treasure which no one is too poor to buy.
    — the chronicles of narnia: the last battle

over the years i've come up with a fair handful of questions ranging all over the spectrum, from the banal (do you realize how extensive the cascade affect will be once researchers finally admit that caffeine is good for us?) to the thought-provoking (why doesn't God let Cthulu eat the people i find annoying?), but here's one from my mom: what would you do if you cut open a cantaloupe and discovered a mouse inside?

Gunter Log 120597

Gunter Log XXX    (that's extra dry, you silly person)

whenever you need to actually expend energy to open a pop-top you might as well quit pretending that you're on the mend.

another of the many signs that you need some professional help:  you send yourself a piece of mail because you figure that the LAN *must* be down, as only that would explain your not having received any in 'so long'.

for those of you who were into calculators:  710.77345

granted, it's not as good as watching little kids kick each other's butt (as if anything could be), but blowing up friends' rambo-armed worms runs a not-too-distant second.

i don't need beer - i'm *naturally* out of shape.

mormons:  lots of babes
catholicism:  heaven
    (pout)  why is nothing ever easy?   <SLAP>

all these years i just assumed that being Nice was synonymous with being Good.  how wrong i was...

oh, and if anyone dies this week, Lord, please may the whole thing take exactly twelve hours.
// 08 addition:  i'm pretty sure this is an honor guard reference, but i don't remember what i was hoping to avoid.

Gunter Log 050597

New Extra Absorbent Gunter Log - now with Even BIGGER Thirst Pockets

what's wrong?
    nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 can't handle...
    — the truth about cats and dogs

never trust anyone with an initial for a first name.

one word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president.  and that word is 'to be prepared'.
    — dan quayle
// 08 addition:  i find it slightly amusing that i got around to this Log not long before an election.

whenever your life could pass for a soap opera it's about time to ... um ... never mind...

it is my learned opinion that five shots of novocain is a bit much.  not only must i *think* to swallow, but it's extended up to my ear.  and drinking mt dew now takes 100% concentration.  (who's the genius that invented those wide-mouthed cans, anyway?)

the devil's in the details.
    — the vanishing

Gunter Log 300497

Lemon Fresh Gunter Log

the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
    — thomas jefferson
(if you're going to quote an ex-president to suit your ends, you could at least quote him correctly, yes?)

whenever you have to yank your alarm clock from the wall because you just can't quite figure out how to shut it off, i'd say it's about time to at least *consider* getting something vaguely resembling sleep at night.

know the joy of being worth more than you get - the pure joy of unrecognized superiority.
    — s.m. smith
(unrecognized superiority.  y'know, if i had had the inclination to come up with a personal mantra, that would've been it.)

so just how fine *is* the line between 'self-assured' and 'cocky'?
(and more to the point: do i want to know?)

according to a new study, the less a woman weighs when she is born, the lower her chance of getting breast cancer in life.  the study was performed by the Center for Stuff You Can't Do Anything About.
    — norm macdonald

feel free to condemn me, but you haven't truly lived until you've seen little kids with heads as big as their bodies slug it out.  (SEGA!)

and i imagine that i might very well be the last person to realize this, but having a partially-numb lip sucks.

Gunter Log 280497

Gunter Log - now in a convenient 3-day formula

you *hate* people!
    but i love gatherings.  isn't it ironic?
    — clerks

why must people use 's in completely inappropriate places (CD's, TV's etc)?  are these things suddenly owning something just because you happen to be referring to more than one?  (and no smart-<BEEP> replies from the peanut gallery, thank you very much.)

if you take the time to carefully read the outside of an ice cream container you will notice that nowhere on it does it say (it doesn't 'say'; it *reads* [malice]) anything similar to 'for best results, thaw and refreeze'.

i don't *think* so, ~sega boy~.
    — mallrats
(the ~s indicate derision. which, btw, is a very fun word to say out loud.)

and i may have mentioned this already, but staring directly into a 150w bulb really isn't one of the better ways of starting your day.

before i go, a few of the many knocks:

    the 'shave and a haircut' knock
        also referred to as the 'i am a big dork' knock

    the 'your hair had better be on fire' knock

    the 'was that a knock?' knock
        also referred to as the E-knock

and now it's time for me to contemplate why my project probably won't be done on time.  Cya.

The Fierce Precision Park Place Log

[t]he fact that the airplane is faster than the horse does not necessarily prove that the world is getting any better.
    — the snows of kilimanjaro

do you think knew that that word already had a use?

what counts in life is not the victory, but the struggle; the essential thing is not to conquer, but to fight well.
    — pierre de coubertin

am i the only one who didn't know that silent movies weren't actually watched in silence?  i feel so very misinformed.

you don't have to put an age limit on your dreams.
    — dara torres

it's best to make your cold tea a little strong.  if you're sober you stick a few ice cubes in it when coldness matters, and if you've just come back from a company picnic where you've had a few, it'll still taste like tea.

the most deadly poison of our times is indifference.
    — saint maximillian kolbe

three years and three days later, with three more on the way (though it's going to be a shotgun blast for locations).

The Games of the XXIX Olympiad Park Place Log III

nbc.  all swimming, all the time.  i'm picking on swimming here, but this applies to the running, also.  would it really have been a bad idea to supplant some of the preliminaries for highlights of other sports like team badminton, field hockey, handball, judo, and team table tennis?  not only does not everyone have high-speed internet and oodles of channels, but by the time we get to the race that counts "for real", some of us have zoned out.  someone is always going to want to see more of such-and-such, so i think you should show a little bit of as much as possible on the basic nbc channel.

look, genius: if you're showing a replay, it's no longer live, so don't have LIVE up in the corner.  also, if a particular heat is "second-to-the-last", then there should be two more.

if you're just hearing someone talk, quadruple sculls sounds like an event you can't afford to miss.  to curb your disappointment, they made sure to use the words "peloton" and "repechage".

tell me again why gymnastics can't give multiple medals of the same color?  as if it wasn't bad enough that the new scoring system seems even more made up than the old.

speaking of gymnastics, i'm still not convinced that the rhythmic scores aren't chosen even more at random than the artistic ones, but the ribbon is a fun watch nonetheless. (the hoop is decent, but i wouldn't mind if the rope was dropped.)

BMX is one lap and yet you couldn't show it from multiple angles and in slow motion like you do swimming?  very, very lame.

considering that bryan clay has earned the title of "world's greatest athlete", i'm a bit miffed that he's getting so little press.  i didn't see phelps running five events in two consecutive days.

oh, and everyone raise your hand that's had your fuwa for over a year...

The Games of the XXIX Olympiad Park Place Log II

apparently between sunday and tuesday there was a brouhaha over at boardgamegeek, but i completely missed it because, you know, the olympics are on, and i have trouble finding time to sleep, let alone keep track of some brouhaha created by people i know almost nothing about.

well look at that: there's a handball that isn't at all like racquetball.

when they refer to badminton as the world's fastest racquet sport, they aren't idly talking.  i had trouble keeping track of the shuttlecock on some of the volleys, and i saw a one break a racquet.  the mixed doubles gold medal match had a 56-stroke volley.  as an aside, it's surprising how much the game changed thanks to the desire to squeeze in commercials.

for the most part, i'm rather disappointed with the commercials so far, though the kia luxury SUV ones were nicely done.

judo is definitely more like wrestling than i was expecting, just with scoring that rewards more difficult moves.  as an aside, cuba got robbed on the women's side.  i'm sure it was coincidence that it was to china (and that they alone were allowed to bring a flag into the arena).

i'm more of a football guy (what do i mean by that?), but field hockey is definitely an interesting watch; some of that stick-work is impressive.

not being a horse person, even after reading, "to achieve the objective of dressage the horse must be calm, loose and flexible, but also confident and attentive and keen, thus achieving perfect understanding with his rider", i still don't really get it, though i guess it's basically rhythmic gymnastics for horses (in slow motion).  regardless, kudos to wearing your military uniform (or a tail coat and top hat if you don't have one).  and i do have to admit that it's kinda cool that you can train a horse to be that specific.  it's a shame you can't train a cat to do that.  or anything useful at all.  or even simply not shed all over the place.

The Games of the XXIX Olympiad Park Place Log I

to everyone who wants to rail against "the whole China thing"...  i'm not saying there *aren't* things to rail against, but now that it's here, pipe down and let me get my sport on.

this one is for all the genius announcers...  you know as well as i do that i'm not watching this live, so you don't need to comment about any possible reaction to bush, because i would've already heard about it.

look at you, paraguay, with your double-sided flag.  you'd definitely place if we had a flag competition.

nauru.  just over eight square miles, with a population of fourteen thousand.  i'm sure they're very nice people, but how did they manage to join the united nations?  (and before you say it, liechtenstein is over seven and a half times larger, with two and a half times the population.)

i'm not saying the opening ceremony wasn't really well done, but even if you, for instance (just off the top of my head (not referring to anyone in particular (right...))), really like the costumes and people-painting, you can't tell me that the LED screen doesn't earn major kudos, though i agree that the drums were right up there.  as an aside, what's with acting like a projection screen is something miraculous?  we've been watching movies for over a hundred years.

the sabre.  the US's last line of defence.

i had already tried McD's attempt and was going to let it slide until they started pushing it, but if you want a great fast-food chicken sandwich, Chick-fil-A is still your only real choice.

what was your race strategy?
    to swim as fast as i can for as long as i can.  why are you reporters still asking idiotic questions?

The Harrowing Monotony Park Place Log

we're all part monsters in our subconscious, so we have laws and religion.
    — forbidden planet

"cannibalism of Jesus"
you gotta wonder why some people try so hard to rile.

if you're quiet, you can hear houses breathe.  sometimes, in the middle of the night, you can hear them groan.  it's like they're having bad dreams.
    — rose red (i'm not sure i got this one 100% correct)

why is it cease *and* desist?  i'm just wondering...

the most dangerous thing in america today is that we're becoming soft - inside and out.
    — knute rockne, all american (paraphrased)

look people, when you raise and lower the kneelers, could you at least *try* to be quiet with them?  also, maybe you could actually look at me when you give the sign of peace (and do the idiotic greeter thing when i walk into the church).

that lofty moral superiority of yours will someday crumble like the walls of jericho and you will see what i see in you.
    — where on earth is carmen sandiego (the unsinkable carmen sandiego)

The Wandering Sickness Park Place Log

progress is not living.  it should only be the preparation for living.
    — hg wells' things to come

not long ago i ran across a forum thread titled, "downsizing my wishlist (continuously updated)".  even if your tastes are *completely* different than his, you've got to respect a man with the dedication to never for a moment cease updating something.

we humans are so careless.  we only realize how beautiful life is when we chance upon death.
    — ikiru

so other than to be pretentious, why do red and white wine each have their own style of glass?

this place slightly resembles an insane asylum.
    well all you need to start an asylum are an empty room and the right kind of people.
    — my man godfrey

dramedy.  i don't know how i never ran across this word, but it's retarded.  were it a newborn, the aztecs would have thrown it off a pyramid.  if only someone had envisioned the concept of listing synonyms and compiling them in a book.  i tell you: the future is going to be glorious indeed.

i won't take that as the personal dig i'm sure it was meant to be...
    — max headroom (on sir michael terence wogan's wogan)

Gunter Log 250497

Gunter Log Lite: half the calories, and now without Yellow Number 5

one of the many signs that you've been awake for Far FAR too long: your bathroom fan suddenly gains the ability to play reveille, the star spangled banner and retreat.   simultaneously.  and in no particular order.
    (btw - and this cannot be stressed enough - i'm merely the messenger here.  honest.)

when we all go home for christmas we need to set our out of office assistants to reply individually to one another with a message saying that we're not here, and then, right before we go, send a message off to each person.  i figure by the time we come back the exchange system should be slag.  oh, wait - on second thought, maybe that's not such as good idea after all.
    // 08 addition:  for those who aren't making the connection, e-mail (with a hyphen) is how you did this back then.

just when you think that this time you *finally* have a handle on things, Life will let you know that you are once again grossly mistaken.  (btw, i'd say trust everything and pray - hope? - you react quickly when it proves necessary.)

in case you happen to find yourself tempted, i strenuously object [afgm] to your buying a 'freshy'-flavored soda.  not that there aren't *worse* things out there, but aren't there always? more day up in the can-yon...
    did you hear that?  one more day *up* in the canyon?
yeah, it's just as goofed as it was the *first* three times you brought it up - now be quiet.

btw, i found out last night that orange juice will soon come in a caffeinated version, which is absolutely fantastic, 'cause not only will my two favorite breakfast ... umm ... foods be combined, but now my screwdrivers will be that much better.
    // 08 addition:  did this ever happen?  i don't remember seeing it in any stores.

The Letters to Nowhere Park Place Log

dear airline industry,
    where are the interactive windows that'll display the names of cities and rivers as we pass by them?  oh, don't act so shocked.  you can't honestly tell me that you assumed that we were going to walk across your crappy floor in our socks and let you steal our bottles of water without your giving us something in return.  that's just not realistic.

dear AM2,
    either you make sure Virtua Cop 3 comes home or i shoot you with a bright orange bullet from my bright orange Saturn gun.  your choice.

dear cell phone tower tree makers,
    you aren't fooling anyone.

dear Codemasters,
    remember the Genny MicroMachines?  still the best version.  how about a proper sequel?

dear halle,
    you suck as Storm and you suck as Catwoman.  since Ghost and Warrior Nun Ariela *don't*, please stay away from them.

dear kenji eno,
    please don't be teasing us with From Yellow to Orange being listed as a Wii developer.

dear maria,
    yeah, five octaves, we got it.  i can burp on command, but that doesn't make it a good idea.

dear whitney,
     just so you're not confused, you were never all that.  to quote myself, "you're no Cher."

// 08 addition:  these letters span a bunch of years (though not so many that you can't comfortably shake a stick at them), but a couple are recent, so while i debated which log series this should fall in, i ended up choosing the current one, but with an addition like the old ones.

The Second Lame Title Park Place Log

don't you just hate when food gets in the way of your alcohol?  as an aside, one shot at 10:50 does the trick if it's breakfast.  (this was written in my notepad, so i can only assume it's taken place, but for the life of me i can't remember why or when. it's times like this that i wish i had a journal.)

you cannot erase God with an edict.
    — the twilight zone (the obsolete man)

i reached Three-star Commander despite not playing all that much (shame in iNiS for not clocking time-played like Meteos does, btw (but then, Sega's United Game Artists was always on the ball)), but i still say that Elite Beat Agents is a half-step too difficult considering it's a Touch Generations title, and certain songs are just "configured" poorly.  on the plus side, it does make use of the rumble pack, which surprisingly few do (and shame on everyone who doesn't stick in a few lines of code to take advantage of it).

you're very pretty now that i see you clearly, but i'm afraid the only way i could convince you of my honorable intentions is by force, and i'm very, very sick of fighting.
    — the twilight zone (two)

why is it that bullets in shooters are always equally damaging regardless of their size and speed?  am i the only one who thinks varying strengths should be standard practice by now?  (of course, Cave goes for sheer numbers, so i'll excuse *them*.)

most people dislike vanity in others, whatever share they have of it themselves; but i give fair quarter wherever i meet with it, being persuaded that it is often productive of good to the possessor, and to others that are within his sphere of action; and therefore, in many cases, it would not be altogether absurd if a man were to thank God for his vanity among the other comforts of life.
    — benjamin franklin

while this doesn't say anything about the rest of the year, the first atlantic hurricane of 1996 was also bertha, which also formed 7 july.

The Happily Frustrated Park Place Log

if you're going to use tricky words like "schadenfreude", it's best to make sure you spell them correctly.  i can understand though, 'cause when you're typing on a forum, you don't always have a dictionary nearby...

you're a very good talker, but so was the serpent in eden.
    — the incredible hulk (sideshow)

on one hand, losing the house A/C during a heat wave just plain sucks, but on the other, it's not so different from camping during crappy weather (except that you can't forget anything and needn't be concerned about thieves).

i'm afraid there's no dessert.
    depends on what you call dessert...
    — kindred: the embraced (bad moon rising)

considering that the Brain Age Check consists of "three tests chosen at random", it's amazing how often the first of the three is the Stroop Test.  (pause)  and now that i've gotten the ball rolling...  why doesn't Head Count have ten rounds instead of splitting them up between Normal and Hard (and why is it "hard" and not "difficult"?)?  granted, five possibilities is nice and quick, but it doesn't make for much of a graph.  not that Triangle Math is much better, but at least that one spreads out the results a bit by virtue of measuring in seconds.  oh, and why doesn't Stamp Design allow me to draw in white so i can erase?  and he could've tried a bit harder with the conversational text (really? i maintained the status quo? 'cause it looked like i just got a new first place).

when i was your age, the Internet was called "books".
    — the princess bride ("updated")

i'm sorry to see you go, wile e coyote t-shirt from '96, but you're just too itchy.

The Noble Resignation Park Place Log

how come no one told me that dina meyer is in the Saw movies?  now i have a reason to watch them (beyond the fact that i'm one of about five who haven't).

my grandmother told me that we all have a black dog and a white dog inside us, and whichever one we feed the most eventually eats the other.
    — kindred: the embraced (live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse)

saying that anime is big eyes and short skirts is like saying that all boardgames are like monopoly.

you talk all the time, but you don't *say* anything.
    — doctor who (the doctor's daughter)

if you're starting a forum thread that's essentially a question, do everyone a favor and put a question mark or the word "question" in the title.

...but you don't know anything about me.
    well, i know that any self-respecting villain would've made a suspicious move by now.
    — the incredible hulk (a solitary place)

in grocery store:  i haven't had bologna in an awfully long time.
later that evening:  and now i know why...
(in all fairness, if you balance it out with the cheese, it's perfectly fine.)

The Games of the XXVIII Olympiad White Oak Log III

i just want to start this off by thanking nbc for showing handball.  in two fifteen-second clips.  which is only slightly longer than you've spent reading this so far, so now that the congratulatory part of the rant is over, i'd just like to say that you *suck*, nbc.

sucky suck suck.


nice job, acuff.  bird in the hand.  ever hear of it?  i really hope you were injured and saving yourself.

the winner of the Not Nearly As Interesting As I Was Expecting Award goes to Tae Kwon Do.  (greco-roman wrestling would have put up a good fight except for the fact that i never *expected* it to be interesting.)

see, other people realize that artistic gymnastics are inherently boring as well, otherwise they wouldn't've bothered to come up with its rhythmic cousin.

it's official: from now on, marathon runners can carry collapsible police batons.  they can't use them to hit other runners, though.  that's what the metallic arm bands are for.  what?!  they'll be wearing padding.

dear people in the stands,
    maybe you should leave the whistles at home in the future, what'd'ya think?

since team sports are here to stay, i say add Rollerball.  (pause)  the james caan Rollerball, not the new one which i never saw but am pretty sure sucked. (though not as much as nbc.)
    // 08 addition: i've since seen it, and it was passable from what i remember.

no commercials this time, but the winner of the No Commercials That Didn't Suck Award goes to mcdonald's, for not having any commercials that didn't suck.

and finally, three cheers for greece, a tiny country who put on a rather large show.  my favorite part of the opening ceremony was the procession of greek history, though the dueling drums as well as the lighting of the rings and cauldron are right up there.  and i was impressed all over again when it dawned on me during the track and field events that that was where it all took place.

The Games of the XXVIII Olympiad White Oak Log II

obviously not everyone feels that team sports don't belong in the olympics, but could we at least agree that the winners should be decided by a true round robin and not this pool/single-elimination crap?  is it too much to ask that every team play every other team and that the one with the most wins gets the gold, second-most the silver and third-most the bronze?  likewise, the eight (or whatever) fastest of all the heats should advance, not the few fastest of each heat and the next so many fastest overall.  and while i'm on a roll, how about putting an empty lane between people in the track events so that if, for example, someone stumbles on the first hurdle, she won't take out another runner?  oh, and who's the genius that decided to charge a false start to the entire field?

well, at least she didn't try very hard.

the second batch of gold-silver-bronze of interesting events on "normal" tv...
    women's soccer gold medal match**
    men's beach volleyball medal matches
    men's springboard final

** which reminds me, i still need a really good "next-generation" soccer game, though unless it allows me to assign Overact Falls to a button it won't be complete, just as beach volleyball games aren't complete unless they show players coated in sand when they come up from a dive.

where's the baton?!  (ouch. not quite so funny any more.)

excuse me, i just had to interrupt myself.
    i could write a book from the idiotic/obvious things announcers say, but this one was actually funny.  i heard it during synchronized swimming, which, as a side note, is *so* much more interesting than gymnastics.  i just wish there was a picture-in-picture underwater cam showing us how they actually do that.  speaking of gymnastics though, i still maintain that svetlana's diva-ness was good for the sport, or rather, made *for* good sport if only because it kept me interested.

somewhere in germany an engineer weeps.

water polo.  it's not unlike basketball with elements of soccer and hockey thrown in, only in six and a half feet of the wet stuff.  four seven-minute periods with a three-minute half-time.  unless you're giving me a PFD, i think i'll stick to watching it.  as an aside, the water temperature in official matches must be at least 79F - though it's probably expressed as 26C since the IOC is all weird like that - and the cage is 10' by 3').

i'm not sure what the deal is with the russians' strange stances when they start the long jump run-ups, but it's hard to argue against a sweep.

indoor volleyball spikes reach speeds of over 69mph.  i guess i can forgive them for losing their balance on a dig after all.

The Games of the XXVIII Olympiad White Oak Log I

let's just get this out of the way: team sports don't belong in the olympics.  it should be about one individual being the best.  as for relays being in the original olympics, they also used to flog people who jumped the gun, so obviously there were a few issues that needed working out.  and speaking of relays, what's with being able to swim for a medal without being part of the preliminaries?  or earning a medal even if your only part *was* the preliminaries?  isn't it bad enough that it's multiple people?  must it be turned *completely* into a team sport?

i thought you said school was out forever?
    actually, the song is called "school's out for summer".  nice try though.

dear nbc,
    would it kill you to show some of the non-traditional sports on regular tv?  i actually *like* beach volleyball, but i wouldn't at all mind if a few matches had been supplanted in favor of badminton, table tennis and the other sports which we have no idea how they play at this level of competition.

can i just borrow your network?  for a sec?
i have critical information from the home office.  and caaaandy.

pieter van den hoogenband.  it's just fun to say.  of course, you saw björk guðmundsdóttir, who was born in reykjavik.  oh, and props to inge de bruijn for having a last name no one would correctly guess how to pronounce.

that's a warp speed button and you *don't*, don't wanna touch that.

the winner of the Most Boring Event To Watch award goes to Rowing, though the swimming preliminaries as a whole were a pretty close second.  ideally the rowers would be allowed to throw (non-lethal) objects at the other boats, but underwater explosions - even if they were off the main path - would have definitely improved matters.  at the very least there could have been sharks in the water.

rock your body mind check one two
(i blame the altitude that i found it so amusing. or maybe it's the bobble-head guy.)

the first week's gold-silver-bronze of interesting events on "normal" tv...
    women's indoor volleyball (usa vs dominican republic)
    men's springboard synchronized diving
    men's individual all around
        i'm just as surprised this made the list as you are considering that the seemingly random gymnastic scores never fail to annoy me, but it helped that i studiously avoid knowing how things are going to come out ahead of time.


svetlana khorkina.  i'm going to miss her.  she just has that certain something.  maybe it's the fact that she doesn't look twelve.

// 08 addition: every other item is a commercial, and no, i don't remember them all.

The Six-sided Square Park Place Log

for a moment linnie thought she might have a cry, but she decided she was in too much of a hurry for that.
    — the golden book of 365 stories

the problem with getting a glass of mtn dew out of habit first thing in the morning is that you might then decide you want a bowl of cereal.

Warning: Never shine human eyes within short distance to avoid hurt!
    — Wolf Eyes CYA

i still have high score charts to improve, but after letting the DS sit idle for many months, i finally got around to beating Meteos (insofar as i bought everything that can be).  it's a good game, but where is the "i just want to relax and play" mode for my mom (and where is the gallery for the planet pictures? (and why can't i see the CPU's board when he dies? (and back on Metroid Prime Pinball, why aren't there Wireless-Bounty and Wireless-Time boards? (and where's the sound test? (and since when is it playable without the backlight? (btw, it was SoCo))))))?

the bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of the low price is forgotten.
    — CPF cydonia

ciudad de la santisima trinidad y puerto de nuestra señora la virgen maria de los buenos aires.  buenos aires' "original" name when it was (re-)established.  and the possible birthplace of carmen sandiego.

whatever you are, perhaps God will forgive you... but you'll receive no such mercy from me.
    — sakura taisen: ecole de paris (flowers at daybreak)

The Evergreen Zombies Park Place Log

...for the average person, the hunger for knowledge is like the hunger for food: we want to know just enough to take the edge off our appetite, then we're satisfied and we stop.
    — hellraiser: deader

coupon must be surrendered between 5/5/08 and 6/1/08 to receive discount.  (pause)  that's much too mamby-pamby for me.  i want a coupon that will seize the discount by force.

i've yet to see the day you can make a deal with a mad dog, so while you're feedin' him sugar, i'll be figurin' a plan to muzzle 'im.
    — 20000 leagues under the sea

i don't drink often, but losing my twelve million Metroid Prime Pinball save because i had the foresight to plug the DS into a power strip (that happened to be off) was worth two shots.  (one likely would've been sufficient, but it didn't take effect instantaneously (and no, i didn't know there are two LEDs (oh, and whoever came up with triclops terror should be shot (i could keep going: could they have made bumping the table any more annoying (if only they could program it so that blowing on the screen would do something)? (how about the final boss? (why can't i reconfigure the buttons? (why is it so difficult to find the hole sometimes? (that's what she said))))))).)

a stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
    — bertrand russell

rhetorical question #519: off the top of your head, do you know how to spell /kuz' en/?  i tried six variations that i knew weren't correct before i finally broke down and decided to just look it up.  so much for winning that spelling bee when i was a kid.

y'know, i once had a wolf, and a wolf only makes a good pet if he thinks he's a dog.
    — bionic woman (second chances)

Old Titleless Gunter Log XXII

whenever you're about to begin a sentence with "i don't know if i should ask this, but...", you should probably give serious consideration to its being stillborn.

the first rule when dealing with the devil: don't.
    — solo

for how cheap talk is, isn't it kind of amazing just how much a misplaced phrase can cost you?

i find your lack of faith disturbing.
    — star wars

i wouldn't've thought it possible, but mtn dew can be made to taste even better simply by it being stored in a mega mouth can.

when i open my door it's like looking into a whole other place...
    — i'm not completely sure i didn't pick this up somewhere

don'tcha just hate when your nap turns into a sleep?

why were you late?
    'cause the bell rang before i got here.
    — high school high

oh, and archangel's been down for the last 4 days and looks to continue that trend which would explain my lack of response to anything you might have sent there.  (and yes, that could be written better, but it would take either a second sentence or more caffeine than i currently have in my system.)
    // 08 addition:  coincidentally, the day this was supposed to be posted the RAID died.

The Oh Seven Twenty-nine Park Place Log

i so could've taken that better.  that was all kinds of poor.
    — me, after taking a not-so-good line through a curve in Bolide

the other day we were under both a Flood Warning and a Fire Weather Advisory.  shouldn't they cancel out somehow?  (pause)  on a completely different note, isn't it interesting how you have "yesterday", "the day before yesterday", and then "the other day", which is basically everything from two days ago back to the day you were born?

the taste of despair is so much sweeter when it's torn from the cradle of faith.
    — bloodrayne: deliverance

if, when replying to a post asking how a word is pronounced in another language, you use the word "bow", you're not really helping.

i'm not hating; i'm expressing disappointment with conviction.
    — me again, though i can't remember when

why don't on-line registration forms stop pretending and give us instructions that follow how we actually do things?  for instance: cut & paste address here.

what they got you teaching here, young sergeant?
    edged weapons, sir.  knife fighting.
don't you teach 'em knife fighting.  you teach 'em to kill.  that way they meet some sonofabitch studied knife fighting, they send his soul to hell.  it's all in the mind, sergeant.  that's where the battle's won.
    — spartan

whoever thought that it was a good idea to give people a running total of their forum "contributions" was incorrect.  there.  i've said it.

the tears of the quitters make me strong.
    — thechony (tanga)

Old Titleless Gunter Log XXI

oh, i'm sorry - i didn't realize it was a *capital* B...

each night i taste the silence of the words in my throat.
    — stiltskin

no matter how tired you are, i don't recommend poking yourself in the eye with a corner of your pillow to be the method you choose to wake up.

the shield of distance too often brings out the worst in us.
    — tom burke  (paraphrased)

on the whole, looking at a mirror after having fallen asleep with damp hair doesn't really do all that much to advance your self-esteem.

the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
    — marcel proust

contrary to popular belief, you will *not* find out someone's telephone number by looking through a dictionary.
    // 08 addition:  as an aside, how many kids today have ever looked *through* a dictionary?

there is a fine line between clever and stupid.
    — spinal tap

and i'm pretty much all GLed out, so feel free to send me any suggestions concerning blitzmail.  and no, i don't know how long this hiatus will last.
    // 08 addition:  i wish i had dates on these to know how long it lasted.

Old Titleless Gunter Log XX

the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
little boy blue and the man on the moon...

who would have thought that a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?
    — homer simpson

now, i've seen some lamely-named things in my twenty-some years, but nothing quite compares to 'first creek' and 'second creek'.

after all is said and done, more is often said than done.
    — i don't know (and neither does candice)

FW: he who laughs last thinks slowest.

skepticism is the language of the mind - what does your *heart* tell you?
    — babylon 5

i understand what you're saying, but...
    ...he's not looking for *understanding*; he looking for *agreement*.

now, i know that some people like to beat a dead horse, but c'mon - i can't even tell that that *was* a horse!

btw, is there anyone out there who is willing to lend me a soldering iron?  (and some solder too - i don't have *everything* in my room.)
    // 08 addition:  since soldering isn't something i do much, i'm curious what i wanted it for.

Old Titleless Gunter Log XIX

another characteristic of human nature - perhaps the one that makes us most human - is our capacity to do the unnatural, to transcend and hence transform our own nature.
    — m. scott peck

always remember guys: They *will* test Us.  (and though it's technically possible to earn bonus points every now and again, for the most part everything's pass or fail.  feel better now?)

you didn't hear it from *me*, but exercise actually makes you feel better than caffeine.

her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like Second Tall Man.
    — russell beland

FW:  expert  n.   someone who is called in at the last moment to share the blame.

being happy is nothing more than having something to look forward to.
    — a family affair

in case you were wondering, swearing at inanimate objects you've just tripped over doesn't really make them feel all that remorseful.

so just what have those crazy scientist-type people been up to since that whole cloning thing you ask?  they have just proven - both mathematically and empirically, mind you - that it *is* in fact impossible to finish the peanut butter, bread and jelly simultaneously.

The Substance Trumps Shadow Park Place Log

it is too late to whet the sword when the trumpet sounds.
    — aesop's fable: the wild boar and the fox

what are you looking at?
    shattered remains of planets.  i'd never seen anything so terrible.
what are the lives of a billion heretics?
    most of them were fine people.
that's just the problem.  they work themselves to death just to survive from day to day.  in desperation, they put their trust in greedy leaders who wage petty wars, and the fools on each side believe that *they're* the only victims.  the pathetic creatures [are] heading farther and farther down their pathetic path.
    — project a-ko: versus - blue side

is a vixen a female fox?  /dictionary/  well look at that...

the man and the satyr
    a man and a satyr once drank together in token of a bond of alliance being formed between them.  one very cold wintry day, as they talked, the man put his fingers to his mouth and blew on them.  when the satyr asked the reason for this, he told him that he did it to warm his hands because they were so cold.  later on in the day they sat down to eat, and the food prepared was quite scalding.  the man raised one of the dishes a little towards his mouth and blew in it.  when the satyr again inquired the reason, he said that he did it to cool the meat, which was too hot.  "i can no longer consider you as a friend," said the satyr, "a fellow who with the same breath blows hot and cold."

by show of hands, has anyone ever had an *expected* surprise?

the father and his two daughters
    a man had two daughters: the one married to a gardener, and the other to a tile-maker.  after a time he went to the daughter who had married the gardener and inquired how she was and how all things went with her.  she said, "all things are prospering with me, and i have only one wish: that there may be a heavy fall of rain in order that the plants may be well watered."  not long after, he went to the daughter who had married the tile-maker and likewise inquired of her how she fared; she replied, "i want for nothing, and have only one wish: that the dry weather may continue, and the sun shine hot and bright so that the bricks might be dried."  he said to her, "if your sister wishes for rain, and you for dry weather, with which of the two am i to join my wishes?"
    every father has a favorite daughter.   you can't please everybody.

The Rice Bag Park Place Log

price chopper's pizza premio! specifically reads "keep frozen until ready to use" and "do not eat without cooking".  i'm thinking the latter one is a bit extraneous.  on a related note, how is it legal to list "spices" as one of the ingredients?

the angels have the phone box.
    — doctor who (blink)

beware the x-zylo.  more specifically, beware the person who tosses it with more force than the intervening distance safely allows.

every species can smell its own extinction.
    — in the mouth of madness

what's a hart?
    i think it's like a deer.
/looking it up/  a male deer.
    so i guess it's not so much *like* a deer as it *is* a deer.

any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
    — arthur c clarke

i enjoy the peeps marshmallow chicks, but i get a little sad when i bite their heads off.
    really?  i chew them extra...

the honor of God, gentlemen, is a very good thing, and all things considered, one gains by having it on one's side.
    — becket

when i become king i'm going to replace random signs.  the first replacement will be "speed checked by gary burghoff".

The Gabriele Amorth Park Place Log

from some crevice, the smoke of satan has entered into the temple of God.  ...  this condition of uncertainty reigns within the church as well.  after the second vatican council, we believed that the history of the church would enjoy a period of sunshine.  instead, the day became ugly, dark, cloudy, and stormy.
    — pope paul vi

what are the greatest needs of the church today?  do not think that our answer is simplistic or superstitious and unreal: one of the greatest needs today is the defense from the evil that we call the devil.
    — pope paul vi

the battle against the devil, which is the principal task of saint michael the archangel, is still being fought today, because the devil is still alive and active in this world.  the evil that surrounds us today, the disorders that plague our society, man's inconsistency and brokenness, are not only the results of original sin, but also the result of satan's pervasive and dark action.
    — pope john paul ii

satan, defeated by Christ, continues to hinder our salvation with all of his energy.  he encourages paganism, idolatry, witchcraft, wickedness, and especially heresy and apostasy.  heretics and schismatics who do not follow the true church of Christ are members of satan's legions.  they are his agents in the cosmic war against Christ.
    — saint irenaeus

whoever refuses to recognize the existence of [the demonic reality] denies biblical and ecclesiastical teachings.  so does anyone who claims that this reality has its own beginning and that it does not originate from God, as every creature does, and anyone who tries to explain it as pseudo-reality, as a conceptual and fantastic personification of all unknown causes of our ills.  ...  the chapter on the demons, and on the influence they can exert on single individuals, on communities, on entire societies, or on events, is a very important one for catholic doctrine.  we need to revisit it and study it; unfortunately, today it is practically ignored.
    — pope paul vi

saint michael the archangel, defend us in battle, be our protector against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, o prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell satan and all the evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls.  amen.
    — pope leo xiii

o most high queen of heaven and of the angels, we humbly beseech you, who received from God the power and mission to crush satan's head: command the heavenly host to pursue the demons in battle wherever they are, to rebuke their daring, and to thrust them into the abyss.  amen.
    — the euchologion

Old Titleless Gunter Log XVIII

now, i'm kinda vague on this new lingo, so please forgive my accent:
   Fighting Vipers's da *bomb*, but *nobody* touches Die Hard Arcade for sheer kick-their-<BEEP> gameplay!

we are errant knaves all.
    — hamlet

btw, it is in fact possible to crash win95 merely by clicking on the 'deliver now' button really, really quickly.

you see how picky i am about my shoes, and they only go on my *feet*.
    — clueless

remember my mentioning that no room is too small to lose things like remotes?  it's still true...

always appreciate the moments, for they're all we really have.
    — babylon 5 (paraphrased)
    // 08 addition:  shame on me for not keeping track of the episodes back then.

you know that sealer-thing on the gatorade sports bottles?  i'd recommend taking it off rather than giving yourself a brain hemorrhage by trying to suck the liquid *through* it.

more fun words...
    // 08 addition:  i cheated and just now added the last one.

Old Titleless Gunter Log XVII

nothing against God, 'cause i imagine He knows what He's doing, but where exactly is the silver lining for us allergy sufferers?  (other than scaring the crap out of those around us, that is.)

it's hard when you don't know what you want.
    — europe

just when you thought that there couldn't be any more signs that it's probably about time to seek some help, you realize that you have a distinct tendency to judge how well your weekend was by the amount of cash you laid out.

we know what we are, but not what we may be.
    — hamlet
(methinks that first part might be giving too much credit to some, though.)

every woman has her 'chairs'.
    — phenomenon

as long as we have the military we might as well use them!
    — madeleine albright, former USAF representative to the UN, referring to why they keep sending us to podunk countries

and the number one reason to buy a black t-shirt with a logo that starts no higher than chest level...  so you'll have something to wear under your BDU shirt when you decide that sleep is more important than laundry.  (but guess what i just realized: i'm gonna have to take my top off to get my hepatitis shot.)

are you all right?
    give me some definitions of 'all right' and i'll see what i can do.
    — babylon 5

Old Titleless Gunter Log XVI

NB: before you start making sweeping generalizations about the south, it's always a good idea to give a thought to exactly where certain states - like, say, tennessee - happen to lie.

yet *another* of the many signs that it's probably about time to seek some help: you have yet to unpack your closet from the *last* inspection.

and speaking of inspections, why must i continually be asked if i'm ready for tomorrow's when it should be painfully obvious that i have yet to reach the 'i care' point?  is this a russian thing?  on a related note, since when is it acceptable to visit only when you'd like to borrow something?
    // 08 addition:  i wish my vacuum cleaner had had a camera on it, 'cause i'd love to know how it got so torn up.

use a man according to his desserts and who will escape a whipping?
    — hamlet

it's ok if you believe in that soul thing, just don't take it too far.
    — someone not particularly known for his tact
(luckily though this wasn't said to/about *me*, so i only needed to get annoyed.)

you're such a mystery.  why can't i unlock the door?
(there's so much more to this than i ever dreamed.)
    — warrant

The Derka Derka Park Place Log

literally the moment we crossed into pennsylvania the snow started to fall.  it was a fitting welcome.

balls to the wall.  one of those phrases that it's probably best not to really think about.  i'm just saying.

note to self: when claiming a bed, leave no doubt that it's claimed.  oh, and bring a towel.

no vodka is more difficult to find than the vodka which doesn't exist.  ("well then what was i drinking?")

with no hesitation, she tasted the just-spilled-on-the-floor drink to help ascertain the responsible party.  talk about dedication.  of course, why she repeated the testing after identifying it is likely best not speculated about.

by show of hands, who's had this happen to them:  i'll never fall asleep.  i'll never fall asleep.  i'll never fall asleep.  i'll never fall asleep.  i'll never fall asleep.  i'll never fall asleep.  i'll never fall asleep. i'll never--  oh, look: i'm awake.

"does anyone have a phone so we'll know time it is?"
(sigh)  a little part of me died when i realized what i had asked.

i managed twenty funs (max three-second gust) by myself and twenty-two in a small group.  not bad, but there's definitely room for improvement.  as an aside, you'd be surprised how many people thought i was answering my phone while going down the hill.

and here i thought i wouldn't again see someone drink hard alcohol like water.  i wonder what else i'm mistaken about...

yeah, you scoffed at the "anime fighter", but i didn't hear any complaints once you discovered dizzy.  the teddy bear i dropped on your head was lagniappe.

drive through red!  drive through blue!  don't hit anything!  drift more!  what's up?!  (if it had it, that one definitely would've been a Super Drift Run.)

admittedly too late of a warning for some, beware oscar the ninja squirrel, who attacks homes when least expected.

Old Titleless Gunter Log XV

poohy  adj.   an emotion somewhere between sad and depressed which is usually accompanied and/or caused by physical ickiness
    — sorry - i forgot to ask if she'd mind my giving her credit, so it really wouldn't be right for me to mention that this is em's creation.  d'oh!

another of the many signs that it's probably about time to seek some help: it suddenly dawns on you that you are in fact conceited, and instead of doing something constructive about this, you successfully convince yourself that it's one of your many endearing qualities.
    // 08 addition:  it's possible i've mellowed over the years, but i'm kinda hoping it's just a phase...

there is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so.
    — hamlet

you know you're at a party whenever you notice someone convincing not only themselves but those around him that a floating-away balloon is the moon.

wanted: evolutionary biologist.  must be intelligent, able to deal with new situations with a certain amount of aplomb, and have a knack for not getting eaten by extremely cool-looking blood-thirsty beasts.  oh, and good-looking.

btw, if you're gonna send money to canada, make sure you get an *international* money order.

many people worry about what others say, some worry about what others do, few about how others feel.
    — john reinhold

though it pains me to say this, we've got a whole lot of yahoos living in the dorms.  (pause)  what's that?  you'd like an example?  well, let's just say that whenever someone gets two - no, make that two and a half - marriage proposals for the sole purpose of getting BAQ, it's about time to go home.
    (and i *still* think we should trade off...)
    // 08 addition:  if someone remembers what i was trading off, feel free to let me know.

[now that i'm on exchange, feel free to re-add me to your personal address book.  as well as respond to the last survey.  (pout)  i've only received seven.  or are the survey blitzmails just a bad idea in general?]
    // 08 addition:  oh, what a difficult, difficult time the AF was.

Old Titleless Gunter Log XIV

welcome to my mind...
    — freejack
[this is an encore presentation of *my* sayings.]

reputation is a fickle lady, and once she averts her eyes she may never again look at you with the longing you desire.

when a society can no longer recognize friendship as a prime motivator, it is doomed.

close friends, like the beatings of one's heart, all too often become exceptional only upon their departure.

all our actions are ultimately selfish.  the trick is to make them appear otherwise.

man may be the sum of all he is exposed to, but can he truly determine to what extent he is affected?

with our ability to wield language, we can both stab and caress at will, and for that reason we must constantly be aware by which nature we govern ourselves.

beware assuming others judge similarly.

friendship  n.   that unique instance of make-believe where people pretend to enjoy the company of others simply for their personality.  thankfully, however, God has seen fit to grant certain individuals the ability to see through this blatant deception, knowing that nothing so beautifully simple could possibly exist in this high-octane culture of ours.

Old Titleless Gunter Log XIII

note to self: always check if a pillow had been borrowed by a cat when i wasn't looking.

didja ever notice how many words you could type simply by pretending to press random home keys?  (or do only famous actors have this ability?)

again, it is your choice of how and where your packages are delivered to you.
    — sunshine powell
(i wonder what color the sky is in *her* world...)

you never know just how you look through other people's eyes.
    — those surfer guys

...but [internet explorer] is probably one of the most easily abused programs, along with e-mail, loaded on our computers.
    — ssgt wayne cloutier
waitaminute - you mean e-mail's #2?  (trying to look vaguely pensive)  looks like i'm gonna have to try harder...

would you call me selfish?
    no.  not to your *face*.
    — cluless

btw, mr bob fry now refers to us as an 'organic workforce'.  congratulations.

blah blah blah ignoring me?
    sorry - i was just trying to figure out how i ever lived without the NetLink...

Old Titleless Gunter Log XII

FW:   gossip  n.  when you hear something you like about somebody you don't.

old friends are always best, unless you can catch a new one that's fit to make an old one of.
    — sara horne jewett

sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
    — todd miyasaki

all men have secrets.
    — mysterious shadow - guyver iii

a very common weakness in our culture [is that] we worry about minute problems.
    — attack of the hyper-zoanoid team five

our futures look brighter when the young are born so cold-hearted.
    — the death of the guyver
    // 08 addition:  on the off chance that any young read this, no, a false sense of entitlement is not the same thing.

NB:  not only is it rather difficult to shoot bad guys with a keyboard, but sending e-mail with a gun isn't all that much easier.
    // 08 addition:  if this doesn't mean anything to you, than you didn't have a NetLink and Virtua Cop.

when a society can no longer recognize friendship as a prime motivator, it is doomed.
    — me


oh, and lest i become remiss in my duties and fail to mention this momentous occasion:  john "i'm so cool the AF wanted me to move on base" reinhold is hosting a VG-fest at his place the 22nd.

first the negatives, so that you people who have no interest in this could get back to your ever so important jobs:  there will be two hyper dogs and a fat cat joining us; smoking will not be tolerated anywhere *near* the house; alcohol will not be provided; and the kicker: since it's my Saturn that's gonna be providing half the entertainment, i'm gonna be there as well.

and now the positives, for the three people who somehow haven't been scared away:  john's TV measures a very respectable 35"; there won't be excessive amounts of smoking or alcohol; john's place doesn't suck; and the reason you can't possibly *not* show up: since it's my Saturn that's gonna be providing half the entertainment, i'm gonna be there as well.

and that's about all there is to say, though i *do* ask you to keep in mind that most video games come with a level adjuster - official term, btw - of some kind, so you needn't actually be *good* at them, just willing to have a bunch of fun.  (you remember 'fun', right?)

// 08 addition:  for any of you snickering at the 35", not only are you most likely young, but you forget that those aren't the idiotically small Widescreen Inches that we're all being subjected to now.  (oh, look - my screen is larger *and* smaller.  fantastic.)

War 20XX

War.  Possibly the best example of a game that you play solely for the experience.  Of course, that implies that the main reason we play a game isn't *always* for the experience, but that's a topic for another time.  As anyone who remembers playing War can tell you, the actual wars are pretty much the only reason to play.  Granted, there's naturally some satisfaction in taking a card with a not-much-higher card, but that part's basically filler.  Despite that though, i've found myself hankering for a game not long ago, but knew that nostalgia could use a bit of a boost in this case.  So, to that end, i've updated it.  As a placeholder, i named it War 20XX (twenty exty-ex).

Even more so than Risk 2210AD, War 20XX is based on the parent game, but i'll go ahead and list all of the rules just for the sake of completeness (though not in a "describe how to tie a shoe" way).

0-  One player is Black (Spades/Clubs); the other is Red (Hearts/Diamonds).  Jokers are one step above aces (assuming you play ace-high) and should be divvied evenly.  (my go-to deck is missing them, which means i should choose another go-to deck, but i like its style.)

1-  Each player plays a card face up.

2-  Compare the ranks of the (top) face up cards.  If the cards are more than one rank apart, the winner gets all the recently-played cards.  Go to Step 1.

3-  If the cards are exactly one rank apart, a Small War occurs.  Each player plays a card face up**.  Go to Step 2.

4-  If the cards are of the same rank, a Big War occurs.  Each player plays two cards face down and one card face up**.  Go to step 2.

A-  All captured pairs go on top of the player's inactive pile, face down.  (i feel the hidden Big War cards should remain so.)

B-  When a player empties his active pile, his inactive pile immediately becomes his active pile.  At this time, the other player places his inactive pile underneath his active pile and begins a new inactive pile.

** If a player doesn't have enough cards to complete a Small or Large War, that player has just succeeded in failing to win the game.

Now, some people will read that and go, "well that's not all that different", and they would be absolutely correct.  Of course, that's why i named it War 20XX and not SomethingCompletelyDifferent.  Still though, don't underestimate the Small War.  I was surprised how often they occur, and they sometimes set up some nasty chain reactions.  I had a game end Double Small War > Big War > Small War > Big War > Red ran out of cards.  Had it been played with those same cards using old school rules, Red would've had six left, one of which was an Ace.  My longest combo is Small War > Big War > Triple Small War > Big War > Small War.  Not surprisingly - though not guaranteed - that game clocked in below fifteen minutes.

Time-wise, War 20XX *can* be a barn burner, but it could just as easily last near the half-hour mark.  (Even the winner isn't too thrilled about a five-minute rout, so i recommend considering those a skirmish.)  For the full War 20XX experience, you definitely need the entire deck, but playing with less cards would be good when little kids or a time crunch is in the equation.  Around the twenty-minute mark of a particular game i was comfortably ahead, but then the pendulum swung the other way and i couldn't pull it back in time.  It ended with me losing a Double Small War.

I chose to go Black vs Red because while losing a queen to an ace is bad, losing a queen to an ace of your own color is even worse.  That and it just seemed to make sense.  I added Rule B as a way to keep people from using a just-won card and to stir the leader's deck ever so slightly.  I've noticed that with won pairs, we tend to grab *our* card first.  It's minimal tactics, but mixing that up would keep your deck from alternating low/high, though the Small Wars play a role in that as well.  And that's about it.  Well, one more thing: if you get the grail Quad Big War or any super-interesting combos, let me know.  I had a Quad Small War once.  That was pretty cool.

The Yellow Snow Park Place Log

fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist.  children already know that dragons exist.  fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.
    — g.k. chesterton

you use that much sugar and butter?
    well cookies aren't good 'cause they're made out of broccoli.

i think what's always worried me about being one of the few is the way we keep on getting... fewer.
    — the longest day

well i didn't expect you to be all grabby grabberson.

if you think you're at some crossroads, you are.
    — spanglish  (btw, like the screwtape letters, i'm not recommending this.)

wow.  i didn't recognize a single artist on dick clark's rockin' new year's eve 08, though the chorus of the song by fergie did ring a bell.  as an aside, isn't it amazing how life-like the dick clark animatronic looked?  (give me a break - he didn't *need* to show up to hand the reigns over.)

sincerity is a form of strategy just like any other.
    — becket

one thing i dislike about the internet is that sometimes i have difficulty deciding if someone is failing at being amusing or is just an idiot.  (pause)  then again, maybe that's not a fault the internet...